August 1998

Wasps were everywhere. I'd never reacted so quickly in my life.

It was a child's nightmare; six of us hiking in the woods up to a big cliff to go diving when suddenly my friend James stops ahead of me and begins slapping his legs. "Ow!" he screams over and over.

Like an idiot I approach him, curious to see what the deal is. Then I see. Then I feel.

They are swarming and it feels like invisible thumbtacks being forced into my skin. We both bolt ahead faster and more frenzied than either of us had run until we finally reach a clearing--a clearing that has only one way to go.


70ft. into the water.

My stomach flips as I glance over the edge and my quick-swelling stings throb as the adreneline slowly dies down. And the problem is obvious. Do I jump off the cliff or risk the hike back through the wasps?

The irony isn't lost on me; "a rock and a hard place", "the devil and the deep blue sea"....they're all the same thing. Maybe "the wasps and the cliff" will be the next cliche.

It will be whenever I think about coming out. A lot of people have written me and shared both their positive and negative experiences with grappling with their sexuality and I thank them. In real life I'm still peeking over the edge.

But a couple days ago, when I jumped in that cool water...it felt like heaven.

As always... sleepingsatyr@yahoo.com



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