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Kevin

August 1998

Hey, I'm Kevin, and it's time for column #1.

So when I asked Oasis if they'd be kind enough to let me write for them, I planned a column about me being totally in the closet to all my friends and even to myself (or at least attempting to tell myself I was straight). Oasis was going to be my way of coming out to myself, and eventually to my friends, my family, and eventually the world.

However, on a recent vacation, I spent about 24 hours staring out the window of my grandparents' car travelling down the highway: destinations, Las Vegas and San Francisco. In this time I thought to myself a whole lot, but I thought mostly of my future and that I couldn't spend the rest of my life lying to myself about my sexuality. Since this is my first column, I think I'm just gonna make this a general info thing about myself. Enjoy.

I've known I am gay for as long as relationships have been sexually oriented. Before then, in early elementary school, I had my share of little girlfriends because that is what's meant to be, right?

I live in Oklahoma...the most evil place on earth. My entire family consists of rednecks, which makes me want to move away, and never talk to any of them again. Never. On Independence Day weekend, I went to my grandparent's lake cabin to spend time with two of my cousins, my grandparents, my aunt, my sister and my parents. Sounds like a whole lot of fun, I'm sure.

I'm not extremely sure how it all started; my memory makes me believe that I just woke up to hear my cousin (description of my cousin: 6' 4", 250 pounds, hick accent, hair has never been longer than half an inch, for dinner he ate steak. That's all. No bread. No salad. Steak. Plays football. Raises sheep. Get the picture?) telling me that he just "hates niggers and faggots." And I remember being outraged and angry and sad and hurt and hated and unwanted, and I remember wanting to pick something up and throw it at him, but more importantly I wanted to say to him, "Look at me! Look at me! I'm your cousin and I'm gay. I'm a faggot. I'm this thing that you hate so fucking much, and I'm this thing that's going to kill you, and I'm this thing that's going to recruit your children some day, and I'm this goddamn evil thing that you hate, and damn it, I'm your fucking cousin!" But instead I just use the same old "I have a gay friend" routine that gets me nowhere, and I end up getting told to be quiet by my bigoted family.

So now I've come to terms with being gay. I told almost all of my closest friends, who, for the most part, were really happy for me being able to tell them.

I've told almost 10 people now. But most importantly I'm dealing with the fact that I'm not a heterosexual myself. And it's great to feel how I feel right now. Open. Light.

Happy.

I still have to deal with telling my family. More on that later, but for now let's just say dad's not one to wear the "I love my gay son" t-shirt.

So I've made these huge steps. Tomorrow night I'm going to YOTSO (Youth Open to Sexual Orientation), which is this enormous step for me.

Now I need a boyfriend... ahhh, the troubles of being a gay teenager in Oklahoma...*sigh*

Kevin
kevinboy@iname.com

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Kevin is a gay sophomore in Oklahoma City. He despises his redneck family that does not like homosexuals and is working towards coming out to his family and the world. Until recent, he hadn't even told his best friends.


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