Jason Lyons

August 1998

Eternal Flame of a 'forbidden desire' -- Equality...

What a celebration! Sinead O'Connor, Natalie Merchant, Sarah McLachlan, Bonnie Raitt, and Indigo Girls graced the Pine Knob stage at this year's Lilith Fair with unforgettable performances. Their hearts were bared, their souls shared with 42,000 people over a three day period. I was one of those 42,000 on July 7th. There were eight of us, including myself, that sat up our section on the hillside. We sang, we danced and were merry. Sinead was amazing; the Indigo Girls left a mark on my heart. Bonnie Raitt shook the heavens, and Natalie Merchant left me wanting more. Lastly, Sarah left us on a high to which no plane, starship or drug could ever take us. The energy created by the dancing, singing, and laughing brought a blessing of rain from Father Sky. More than four inches of blessings before the night was over. The overall experience was the most phenomenal to date for me and I look forward to next years fair.

It would seem that some Christians have become extremely concerned with the diversity in our rainbow existence. They deem us damned to hell and feel it their duty to deliver the news. It would seem that we are a thorn in their side, festering to a greater degree, every day. There are those Christians that say that they are told by their God that we are evil, an abomination, in fact they have read it in their Bible. Hmmm....I find that to be rather curious. For instance if you go to church under the guise of a proper heterosexual you learn how you are unconditionally loved by a wonderful God, who gave his only Son to die for the sins that had been committed and that were yet to be done. At this point, despite the fact that you may not have asked this God into your heart, you're still a good person and you simply need to ask this God into your hear to make yourself complete. However, if you go into church as a queer you're an evil abomination damned to hell and you need to get on your knees to beg for forgiveness for your sins. It has been brought to my attention that somewhere between heterosexuality and homosexuality, unconditional love withers away like a rose thrown into a furnace. I think that kind of throws out unconditional love as ever being a part of the picture, whether your heterosexual or queer.

I accepted this 'God of Unconditional Love' into my heart at the age of seven. I was lonely, scared and so very much in need of love and attention. I wanted someone to talk to me without raising their voice and telling me that I didn't care about anyone but myself. I wanted to hear that I was capable of good things, that I could do things correctly without 'screwing everything up'. When people from the church would tell me parents what a joy I was to have around and comment on how helpful I was, my parents would later ask me when they could meet this child that these people were talking about. My parents were positive these people weren't talking about me.

It was in my teens that I learned that even unconditional love had standards. I found out that because I had feelings and desires towards the same gender, I wasn't a Christian. It didn't matter that I had asked this God into my heart or that I had been a faithful disciple for eleven years. In the minds of some Christians, I have been an abomination for five years now, and I'm damned to hell. If that is what they believe then let it be so. Because if changing their minds means they choose which gender I can love, what books I can read, what movies I can watch or what music I can listen to, I would rather remain an abomination in their eyes. I know who I am, and it is not a freak, a monster, or a damned person. I am a believer. I believe in the power of love, I believe in the power of the Creator, I believe in my own power as a bisexual human being.

So if anyone chooses to believe different, If anyone continues to think that we are evil, that we are damned, then it is a waste of their own energy. Let us love and heal, while others choose to hate and destroy. While others burn bridges, we can build bridges, and let them choose to cross them.

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