Well, my beloved queers and queerettes, it is now back into the wicked, evil gauntlet that is my homophobic relatively small high school... watch me jump from a cliff in happiness. (Wait... no cliffs in Delaware.)
My girlfriend and I have been together for over half a year now (which, according to one of my friends, is two years in gay male time) and it's such a wonderful feeling to be in love.... okay, enough sappiness.
As I walk the halls of my high school, with only a labrys pin on my bookbag and assorted queer jewelry acknowledging my lesbianism, I wonder about the state of affairs. I consider myself out at school... goddess knows that there are enough rumors, and I've told what seems to be half the school. (Hell, half of the county.) But... there's always someone who doesn't know. Someone in theatre who is shocked when I talk about 'my girlfriend Dana' or 'going to Rehoboth and hanging on Baltimore Ave.', someone who sees me looking at her picture in history, someone who questions a rumor. Apparently I don't 'look' gay. My hair is fairly long, and I dress... well, like a beatnik/slacker.
How out is too out? Should I scream it in the cafeteria, go on the announcements, slap a huge rainbow sticker on my bookbag? Or is that flaunting it? I'm not an extremely subtle person, but... I'm not sure about how smart it is to be so obvious about my orientation. I mean, there are already KKK boys who talk about raping me, what next?
I don't think that people should introduce themselves as, 'Hi, I'm <insert name> and I'm <insert orientation>' Wearing freedom rings is different than telling someone right off the bat. If it comes up, then sure... but I don't know if the world should have sexuality shoved down their throat. If I were introducing myself to you, would you want to hear, "Hi, I'm Kristen Foery. I'm a 16 year old lesbian from Southern Delaware; I'm engaged, I like poetry, I'm Methodist, pro-life because of the previous fact but I don't think that anyone should have to follow my religion except for who wants to, so I guess that makes me pro-choice, sufferer of seasonal depression, moody, argumentative, a decent kisser, lover of classical music, and having period cramps.'? Let's be honest here.
I'm having problems writing this because I hate to piss of people excessively and I don't want to sound like an idiot. Am I making any sense? (she asks to the air)
I am one of the only out kids at my school. There's about six or so of us, that I know about. Three are out. We're not some exclusive group; some of us aren't even passing acquaintances. It's sort of sad, on one level. I wonder what the closet kids, the ones wrestling with their sexuality, think about when they see us.
I want to start a gay/straight alliance up this school year. The only problem is that I'm absolutely terrified.
One of the school admins is gay, as are a few teachers. They are not open. I wonder if things would be different if they were.
Or if it would be different if we all were...
Youth 13-17 Asst. List Manager