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Paul Sepuya

September 1998

Originally, I couldn't think of anything to write for this column. I thought and thought, but still to no avail.

Then, as I'm looking at a recent copy of XY magazine, I think...

The last gay virgin. It seems like it could be me.

Yes, I'm only 16, and statistically, there are millions of others just like me. Younger and yes, oddly, older. 16. I should be worrying about grades, school, and the like. But I've never had to, it comes easy. I should be worrying about family trusts. But those are few, far between, and never last.

Alas, there is but one thing! Sex. Dammit.

They say now that the usual age we loose our virginity now is around 14, 15. That doesn't mean EVERYONE does. So why am I only hearing about the guys who've done the deed? Where are the lone, surviving virgins hiding out? The woods? The GOP? Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Don't mistake me for a guy who's hard up for it all. Right now I'm satisfied. I've come close. Actually, we thought about it, but the relationship ended due to his not being all right with gayness. His Bisexuality, actually. Then I thought about it, and was glad we didn't. I would like to be able to look back on my life some day and have a few "I wish I didn't"s as possible. I talked to him earlier this summer, and he was telling me about this girl he wants to get jiggy with.

"I guess I don't need you anymore, Paul" he told me. "Fuck you" I replied (politely, of course)

That was that.

Then I thought, "am I the only guy who doesn't want it now?" I don't have a boyfriend now, and distaste casual sex. When I have a boyfriend, it gets tempting, but I think of sex in a relationship as something that will come with a hopefully long commitment.

I'm 16. Commitment in terms of years and decades (hopefully one day) is a long way off.

But my one fault is my hopeless romanticism. Believe me, when I get him, I treat him right. If I wanted a physical relationship, I wouldn't stand for being called a boyfriend, and he wouldn't be mine. It's a scam. Boyfriend is boyfriend even without sex as long as there's love and care. Without that, "bedbuddy" better describes it.

I know, one day, I'll have a one-night stand. And never see him again except on some talk show. But at least it will have been fun.

And if all goes right by then, I'll be able to say it wasn't my first time.

The End

- and always use a condom unless in a trusting relationship. You never know, even if you've heard it before

pianki@email.msn.com


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