Boo, scared you. Well, how are we all today/tonight/this morning/this afternoon? I'm just fine. The pressure isn't at all getting to me. Oh no. I'm coping fine with my five higher (English, Maths, Physics, Drama and Economics), all the extra time Drama takes in and out of school, young enterprise, Duke of Edinburgh, my job, trying to do a bit of Kayaking and Mountain biking, socialising (not much) and trying to sleep as well. Oh yes, I'm not going slightly mad and becoming very rough at the edges.
Sadly, with all that work, the illusion of happiness seems no closer. That evil called homophobia makes my life very difficult. People blocking the corridor, which I don't like, and people calling me a faggot or whatever, which I can handle. I suppose my consolation is I am a lot more intelligent than they are, they duff along blissfully unaware of what lies ahead of them while I crash into it head on. Also, this will sound even more conceited, I am a lot better looking than them so that must tell you they are really ugly.
On top of all that, I'm starting to wonder if homosexual happiness solely exists on celluloid, maybe it's a dream sold to us by the biggest dream factory of them all, Hollywood, the city of a thousand lies. From what I gather us queers don't seem to be too happy much of the time. Maybe as I get older and out of the closet (sorry if you don't like that term, it just sums it up best) my views will change and life will become less of a bitch and I'll be happier. I know some of you are happy but that usually involves the input of a "boyfriend" or being out.
You see, from what I've seen being in the closet isn't too good for you, it messes with your mind. From those of you I know or from my own experience, it doesn't do us too many favours.
The one good thing about it is if you live in a homophobic lobster pot like myself your are protected physically from any extremely stale toss pots. Let's face it, if I were to walk down the corridors saying I'm a big poof and I'm proud of it I wouldn't make it to English.
Other than the protection issue there aren't any good points. I know if I were out in an ideal society I'd have far greater chance of a boyfriend because any gay guys would know I was gay. There must be one or two other gay guys in my school. Well, there is one but I can't stand him.
Also if I were that big out and proud poof I wouldn't have to watch what I say all the time. I could just say 'You see that Jessie Spencer of Neighbours, he's right fine is he' If your not fluent in hell speak that mean's 'he's gorgeous isn't he'.
That's why I like animals, you can talk to them and they don't have a clue what you're saying but they don't give any shit back and they aren't going to go and say anything to no one. I just like walking through the field with the dog and the sheep that follows me and chatting to them. It may sound like I have gone totally out of my mind but talking to them and you keeps me safely in it.
Well, I can dream and I can all day. The reality is it has come for the time for me to leave you. If you wish to comment in any way on this little tango through my mind please do so at 'Fend@sylvestris.demon.co.uk' I will respond to you my friends. Till next month