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EJ Chasse

October 1998

Stereotypes

Here is a situation for you readers to ponder: You are 18, and you are trying date. But you only like people who like the color Blue. However, the color Blue is not very acceptable to the rest of this society (just use your imaginations). Anyway, you grew up liking the color Blue, and you admitted it, but you didn't want to wear the color Blue all the time.

So you walk around looking for other people like you, but the only other people who like the color Blue wear BRIGHT BLUE clothes and kind of makes you feel uncomfortable, and they are the ones getting dates. So what do you do? Do you wear Blue, against what you WANT to do, just so you can date? Or do you continue wearing what you want, even though you may never find a date?

This is sort of the situation I am in here. I like guys (hell, I LOVE guys). But the only way I can show that is by acting stereotypically gay. However, I am a regular guy. I am close to the stereotypical definition of male for this country. So I can either get dates by being someone who I am not, or be myself and watch the world around me date their hearts out. And no, there is no way to attract gay guys in this community without flaming up a storm. It's been tried.

With the lines between gay, bi, and straight as blurred as they are now. It's too dangerous to ask someone if they are gay or not. You have to guess, and most people guess that I am straight (erg). Enough of the bitch session.

SOLUTION (this was written 9/8/98): What a difference a month makes: I wrote the above for August (that I never sent), and I have found a solution to the problem. Well, I have found that there is a small minority out there who are in the same boat as I am. Sometimes you can have both but only if you play your cards just right.

First, I surrounded myself with gay friends. I didn't hang out with them 24/7 but I did make it VERY noticeable that we were friends. I didn't change my personality (clothes), I changed the people around me (people who wear blue clothes). People assume that I am gay only because I hang out with them. Although I am slightly uncomfortable at times, that is only because I never got a chance to hang with that type of crowd. They feel just as uncomfortable with me around at times because of how "butch" or "straight" I act.

But so far they have accepted me, and vise versa. And it's helped a lot on my dating situation. Second, never ever try to be someone who you are not, it will destroy you. I tried for a few days and I can say that I am a decent actor, but I am still an actor. I attracted a couple of guy by acting VERY stereotypically gay. But when they found out that I was not that person, well, it was messy. Be true to yourself. Even though dates will be few and far between, they will be worth it. I guess I found the answer to my question about dating from above. What do you do when you are faced with a choice of behavior or dates: CHOOSE FRIENDSHIP and let the rest figure itself out.

Peace,

EJ Chasse
ejc138@psu.edu


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