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Christian

October 1998

Hello, and thank you for reading my debut article. This is my first one so cut me a little slack ok?

Well, this being my debut article, I think it would be best if I wrote about myself so you all know where I'm coming from. My name is Christian and I am 15 years old (16 in 3 weeks!!). I live in Upstate New York in a place I like to call Homophobeville. I'm starting my junior year in high school and I consider myself to be bisexual at this point, until I am 100% confident in myself to call myself a full-blown homosexual.

The reason I call the place I live Homophobeville is for a dual purpose. One being that it'll cover the name of the place I really live in order to protect my identity until I come out to the world and also because of the nature of the place. Homosexuality here is like a huge taboo. People never talk about it or the rights of the people that are of that sexuality and of course absolutely no one would ever admit being gay. I know most people that live here and I have only known one homosexual who wasn't open about it, I had to use things he said and stupid things I did to finally come to that conclusion. In other words, here in Homophobeville ... it is really difficult to grow up gay.

I currently reside in a raised ranch style house, with my mother and sister and cat Tikki. My parents got divorced when I was 5 almost 6 ( 10 years ago ) and he lives about an hour away and I see him once a week. I don't have a close relationship with either of my parents because of distance and the fact that dad does not want to try and because after my mom and dad got divorced, my mom was always lonely and upset so age found men to keep her happy and left my sister and I emotionally neglected and basically raising ourselves ... I've been told that I grew up with a tough hand of cards, as the saying goes.

I took a large step recently after I started dating my first boyfriend. I came out the people that are truly close to me. I didn't do it all for my account however ... my boyfriend lived 2 hours away and I had to tell a parent in order for his parents to allow me to visit him. So, (we'll call my boyfriend Jarrett) Jarrett pushed me into telling my mom so I could go visit him and I complied because I wanted to see him too. I told my mom and she seems to be all right with it but not great ... sometimes she makes me feel like I'm defective or something and I do believe she blames herself somehow. I also told my closest friends and some adults (which I'll talk about another time.) After I did come out to them and they were all so ok with it, I felt so relieved ... like thousands of pounds were lifted off of my shoulders! I felt so much better and accepted ... it was amazing!

Well, that's a nice bit of information about myself, huh? (Enough for this month anyhow!) I thank each and every one of you all that read my debut article and I hope that you return to read my future articles and stories, which I will be submitting from now on.

I'd love to hear from you, please e-mail me at: Chrstian@wowmail.com

With All My Love,

Christian


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