Troy N. Diggs

October 1998

September 24, 1998

Well, for most of us reading this, it's back to school time (whether that's college or high school or Wink Martindale's School of Game Show Hosting)... for me, personally, it's time to start playing "scare the ASU rednecks" again; that's a little game which basically consists of driving around campus playing "Dancing Queen" as loud as my stereo can and pissing off the frat boys. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Jonesboro is boring.

While we're on the subject, what is the deal with fraternities anyway? I don't buy into the frat scene at all (not that I have a problem with ALL frat guys; just the ones who are a little too involved in the concept). My personal take is that fraternities exist simply to give guys with way too much money, way too much time on their hands, and no lives at all a chance to drink until they puke, and run around bragging about the stupid Greek letters on their hats. Of course, you'll see signs around town saying that they've adopted stretches of highway for litter control as their "obligatory" community service project, but truth be told, all the beer cans they're picking up are probably ones that they threw out.

What bothers me most about a lot of frat guys, though, is the fact that they're paying money for the privilege of hanging out with other guys. In other words, they're buying their friends. These guys are instantly recognizable because they don't hang out with or even associate with anyone outside their fraternity. "What, you're not a Lambda Sigma Beta Phi Kappa Alpha Epison Rho? Well, then, tough luck, ya loser." And homosexuality? Don't even get started on that one... let's just say that a typical frat house is the biggest closet on campus.

It's not because the average frat boy is really that big of a jerk; it's because they don't want to seem like a nonconformist to their friends (which, if you'll remember, they bought earlier). In essence, a fraternity is like the Borg: they think as one unit, speak as one unit, and have no individual thoughts at all. You'll never hear most frat boys say "I'm doing this" or "I want to do that"; it's "we're doing this" and "we're going to be there", and so on; their vocabulary replaces "I" with "we", and you know, just the fact that they're playing the pronoun game proves that frat boys have a little bit of gayness in them.

So, really, there's only one fraternity that all guys need to belong to, Gamma Delta Iota, or GDI, which stands for "Goddamn Independent." You go boy.

eMail is always good... drop me a line at TDiggs@aztec.astate.edu, or visit my Web page at http://www.geocities.com/~tdiggs/

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