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Katie (fka Eric)

October 1998

Hmm... I can only imagine all you are dying for an update after the bombs I dropped last month, so here we go...

ALEX: Never did start taking hormones, I talked to him the day he was supposed to start and he told me he got cold feet, sort of. He met a girl a while ago that he was madly in love with but thought nothing would ever come of it. Well it turns out she felt the same way about him and they are now trying to feel their way through a relationship. He knows that transitioning is right thing for him (her?) to do. He's had all the therapy in the world and he knows this is how he feels and what he believes will make him happy. Last time I talked to him, he was going to take a few months and then figure out what to do. He doesn't want to get hurt and he doesn't want to hurt her, but he just doesn't know what to tell her at this point. Famous last words were, "I deserve to be happy"

DUKE: Yes if you're wondering, Duke knows that I am TS. Well he does now. I did my best to explain it to him before he read the column, but it didn't really dawn on him until he read it online. In the end he said it was best that he read it on-line, it made sense to him that way. He admitted that all the clues were there and I did a fairly good job of making it obvious; he was just stupid (his words). Famous last words, "I love you for who you are, not what you are. I couldn't possibly love you more then I do right now. What matters is that I will always love you and I'm not going to leave you; the rest of 'it' we'll just figure out" (Note to Duke: OK so I don't quite remember what you said, but this is how I remember it)

And now the moment you've all been waiting for: ME! Surprise, surprise...I'm taking hormones. I have been for a while. I'm sorry to disappoint y'all, but I didn't feel like beating around the bush at all. It all began on July 15th, or July 9th depending on how you look at it. I had the first appointment with the doctor on July 9th. I got a ton of blood drawn, a chest x-ray, and a basic physical. All the labs and stuff came back clean the next week so I went back for my first "real" appointment. I've been 3 times since (4 by the time you read this) and each time is the same. I get an estrogen injection and a prescription for a 30 day supply of Premarin and Aldactone. Premarin is basically estrogen and the Aldactone is an anti-androgen (anti-testosterone). On my own, I've started taking a Vitamin B complex which is supposed to help my body metabolize the hormones better, basically get "more bang for the buck".

So that's it basically in a nutshell. I haven't gotten any hate mail (or fan mail for that matter, hint, hint) yet, so I'm assuming that's a good sign. Of course the question on everybody's mind is why did I wait so long to say anything. The answer is, once you say something you can't take it back. I just wanted to make sure this was the right thing for me and that I was going to stick with it. Well it's been almost three months (by the time you read this) and I'm still as happy as I ever was; even happier then before. This is the right thing for me. I'm satisfied with the results so far; I won't get into specifics, if you have a specific question, e-mail it to me.

Hmm... I stopped writing this almost a week ago, I guess I got a case of writer's block. I realized what it is though, I'm not happy with this column and the last one. I couldn't tell you why at first, but I think I know. They're just not like me. Yes I am TS, but the style just isn't mine. It's like coming out all over again. Interesting thing, coming out, and it makes an interesting way of finishing this column.

I guess to certain degrees, I've never been all that closeted; no I'm not a flaming queen, anyone who knows me in person knows that. Funny thing is, I'll be the first to admit I'm not the most feminine person in the world (I suppose a concern if you're TS) but I know who I am and that's the important thing. I think out or not, the secret of life is realizing who you are and being comfortable with it.

Of course there are obvious exceptions, such as the local redneck bar, but for the most part just be yourself and soon you will realize you're "out" and its not so bad. I mean throughout my life, I have expressed myself in varying degrees and varying ways but the important thing is that you're true to yourself. It was something I lost in myself many years ago and only recently have I found it again.

My life has shown me that if I'm not happy with myself, it won't make a difference if the world hates me or not. In many ways, I'm sure there are still people out there who do hate me, who I am, and what I stand for; but it doesn't matter because I am happy and have found a life I love very much. I've learned along the way that if you don't give people an opportunity to bash you back into the closet they won't try very hard, if at all.

And that friends, is my pitiful attempt at a new toaster this month (e-mail me if you don't get the joke, or even if you do). A couple of administrative things I suppose...I love fan mail, so keep sending it. I know there are other net TSs out there (I talk to you guys all the time); if I don't hear from some of you, I'm going to have to start recruiting. If you don't like my columns, I challenge you to write a better one, besides I'm sure Oasis would love to have view points from more then just a dozen or so fags and an old, tired, washed up TS (me!). Finally, while my e-mail remains the same (Bigfish758@aol.com), my name, although not legally, is changing...go figure. Starting next month, I will be writing the column as Katie Baker.

Until then...

Katie


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