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Chris Kryzan

October 1998

Hi Chris,

There's this guy that I've liked for the past year and a half. I've never liked anyone like this before this much. I just feel that all I want to do is to hold him and make him happy and love him with my whole heart and soul.

I really don't feel that being gay is a sin and that God is against it. (It's a long story, just trust me). I pray every night to God that I can just be with the guy I like. I've asked God to give me some kind of sign or anything that would indicate to me that I had a chance with this guy. Each time I ask for one I get one. (Some are even too much to call a coincidence.)

Lately I even noticed this guy staring at me, and then when I look at him he quickly glances away. I'm hoping that he is interested but I'm much too shy and scared to do anything. I've gotten many signals from him that he could be gay.

I just don't know what to do? Any advice? I really need some! I'd do anything to be with this guy. It's a feeling I've never had before. He is the most attractive person I've met but not just that -- he has a great personality, he's not arrogant, he's nice to everybody and very helpful. Help me out!

--- Javier, 15 years old

***

Dear Javier,

I know exactly how you feel -- I have been there myself. It's hard enough in any case, but especially more difficult if you're in the closet, like it sounds like you might be (and like I was at your age).

It sounds like you may have had other issues going on, too, perhaps with regards to reconciling your religious beliefs with the fact that you're also gay. But since that appears to be another story, we'll skip over that for now.

If you were to take a step back for a minute and look at your situation, it sounds like you're somewhere between being madly in love and being obsessed with him. That's alright, we've all been there. But maybe you've been letting this go on for too long.

He may or may not be gay. It's not always easy to tell, you know. The fact that you're doing the "brief eye-locking thing" might indeed suggest that he is interested in you too, or it just might be that he's embarrassed when others look at him. You're not going to know, though, until you take the next step and get to know him better.

Now I'm not saying you run up to him, say "Let's become boyfriends today" and plant a kiss on his lips. But why not just get to become friends, first. Who knows what you'll find out. Maybe, in fact, he is gay, too, and maybe he's interested in you, too. That could be the start of a good relationship.

Or it might be he's straight and you just catch him looking at you once in awhile. In that case, you're going to have to figure out how to undo your attraction to him, because it's not going anywhere.

The important thing, though, is to take that next step, sooner rather than later. You'll either wind up with a friend or boyfriend, and either of those can be a good thing.

Chris
chris@kryzan.com


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