Hiya, everyone, and welcome to another month.
Cheer! For the people have spoken! Out from the woodwork came the multitudes of gay male virgins -- thus proving that I am not the only one. I would like to thank everyone for the email and their own stories, and I hope I got back to you all.
But in the meantime, I did some more thinking about sex, among other things...
A Lesson In Porn
Lesson One: don't type "gay" on an Internet search, at any cost...
I remember when I was about 12 or 13 years old, still confused about what all this fuss was over "gayness," and a bit curious to figure out about myself. Back then, I had CompuServe, a horribly slow modem, and icky generic web browser. And with these meager tools I set out on my quest of self-discovery, typing "gay" in the Internet search engine.
Omigod! To the dismay of my eyes was a barrage of "SEX! SEX! SEX" and "We've got the horniest studs with the biggest dicks!" I had to work through pages of these tempting ads before I found real, useful information, and, of course Oasis. How many gay teens have not taken a peak at those juicy nibblets? Not even the Good Little Mormon could resist.
Lesson Two: if you do, be very, VERY careful
It's the nature of any red-blooded American male (or female). As your curiosity grows, eyes wander, and palms sweat, just make sure to stay out of trouble. Interest in naked bodies is only natural, and there's no need to worry unless it starts involving animals and such. You know how to get through the filter software. You'll eventually go check out the site that says "FREE" or "SAMPLES," the ones with no AVS. Soon, a mass of pornography will swallow your hard drive, and you'll look for more disk room.
And then, Mommy Dearest and Pappa go check out the computer and find some HOT LATIN MEN GOING FOR IT! Oops! Forgot and left it on the screen again, silly boy? They question you, chastise you, and take away Internet rights.
Lesson Three: Porno's the worst way to come out
That's the best-case scenario. At worst, they have no clue you're gay and freak out at the thought. Send you to a monastery and force marriage upon you.
It's best not to even mess with porno if you're not out. Never, ever ever. Try to explain that, will you. If you're caught, you're not only humiliated but unexpectedly outed while your parents are in a fury and aren't quite thinking straight. Come out if possible, then if you must get your groove on, don't be tacky. Computers can do strange things when you're not looking, and things can pop up at the least appropriate of occasions. I could only imagine the horrible outcome of that happening...
"Now for something completely different" -John Cleese of Monty Python
At my school, it seems to most everyone that I'm the fount of all gay knowledge. I am gay. Therefore, I must know about everyone else who is gay. Now add the fact that straight guys are obsessed with thoughts of lesbians, and you begin to see my predicament. "Come on, you can tell me. I don't talk to any of them, so it won't get past me. Just their names."
Why should I know who all the lesbians are? Yeah, I have some clues, but I wouldn't dare suggest or imply anything about anyone's sexuality. It's bad rumors if they're straight, and absolutely horrible if they are indeed lesbians. But the straight guys, mostly one or two persistent ones, don't get this.
It just bothers me, but I see their point. People think we stick together, the Gay Nation. Well if there's a Nation of us out there, someone tell me where it is. I'll never move there because I like living my quasi-queer life in the real world. But when I need a refreshing break, I'll head on down that yellow-brick road.
That's it, and thanks for sitting through another session. Until next month.
Oh, and they want to know who all the other gay guys are -- just to make sure they can make sure they're not checking out their asses. So all you lesbians and gay guys need to go out and grab a straight ass and say how nice it is.