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John

November 1998

I'm in love with my best friend. The best thing is I think he's gay too. No, it's not because I hope he's gay, it's because of the way he acts towards some of my friends, but mainly me.

We have sort of an unspoken gay relationship, but neither one of us has the courage to admit that we're gay. He enjoys acting feminine, and says acting gay is fun. Like, sometimes, when us and some other friends get together, he acts gay all the time. I, of course, act gay back to him. He likes it when I massage his back.

We have hugged, and come about an inch away from kissing in the process of acting gay. We sit next to each other at lunch, and we rub our legs together. He has tried once or twice to touch my crotch. When no one else is looking, he has smiled at me, and he has a look in his eyes I've never seen. I sit behind him in some classes, and he always asks me to stick my feet out next to his desk because it is comforting.

Another reason I think he might be gay is because we think almost the same way. We have common favorites of everything except cheese, and we both have the same type of philosophies. That's why he's such a good friend, because he's someone I can relate to, and vice-versa.

If he is gay, I don't think he's accepted it yet. I've been bringing up the subject of homosexuality in some of our conversations, and I've been making it clear that I'm a liberal Democrat, and that I wouldn't discriminate homosexual people. I've even asked him if he's gay, but he just avoided the subject. I've told him that if he is gay, he can tell me.

Once, he said "if I'm queer, I'm bisexual." I can't figure out if that means he is bisexual, or if it means he's not queer, but if he was, he would be bisexual. I'm not ready to come out yet, no matter who it is. The weird thing about my friend and I is that we met in pre-school, then he moved to Virginia and Georgia, and I met him again in fifth grade. That just shows that we are natural friends.

If anyone would like to give me any advice, I'd be happy to here it.

magicman401@yahoo.com


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