November 1998

Hey Everyone! I've been an Oasis reader for over a year now, and finally decided to write something of my own--of course, WHAT to write about has been the element that has eluded me for months; I figured the best way to get started would be just to type and see what flows. First of all, forgive the grammar, spelling, etc... I'm a science major! We're excused! hehe... Well, I guess I could discuss something I've thought about a lot lately--how some of life's recent events have simply served to affirm my junior-year-of-high-school thought (wow, that's over 3 years ago now) that I might be gay.

For instance, during my college orientation overnight stay, which took place right after I graduated from high school, I had the good fortune to be placed in a dorm room with perhaps the most gorgeous creature in existence, who we will call Jon (yes, quite generic, I know... no offense to any Johns out there, of course...hehe). At this time, I had barely accepted the notion that the straight life might not be for me, but much to my surprise, I could not stop obsessing over John, not for at least three weeks after that particular weekend. I had never thought about someone for so long, man or woman, in my life, nor had I thought I could be so very attracted to a man. I'm sure many of you can relate; I won't dwell too long on this one.

The next life-affirming event happened very recently, at a party here on campus. Now, keep in mind I'm very closeted here, partly due to the fact that it's a Catholic school, and partly because I want to live to see another day. Seriously, (if only for a second), I'm sorry if it seems I took the subject of the last sentence rather lightly, but I think I've somewhat given up on the hope that everyone will someday accept me for who I am--perhaps someone with a more positive view or some suggestions or just an opinion on that one could share it with me. Returning from that tangent, I guess that's why I don't ever try to act stereotypically gay -- I assume I can spare you all a description of what I mean -- primarily out of fear I suppose.

Anyway, I'm sure you can understand my surprise when, at this party, two people asked a couple of my best friends, "Hey, is Nick gay?" And these friends, under the influence of the all-powerful truth serum known as alcohol, were more than happy to provide the inquirers with the information they sought. Luckily I haven't felt any repercussions from that one, and it's been placed into my "never truly regret anything and move on" file... hehe... I guess the point is that despite any of my efforts to not appear outwardly gay, people are sensing it all the same. I dunno... Well, that's all for now... feel free to write me, I love e-mail! Mail me at neatnick79@hotmail.com

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