November 1998

Viki, 13, is in the eighth grade, in New York.

This is only my second article so far so please bear with me. I hope you liked the first. If you happen to read this and want to talk to me you don't have to call me Viki. You can call me Victoria or Tory if you want to.

Being thirteen brings the burden of having little experience, but I know that once I hit high school that will change. (At least I hope that it will) I don't want to keep playing games for the rest of my teenage life. I don't need to. I already know that I'm a lesbian. It isn't my fault that everyone else has a little problem called IDA. In Denial Anonymous. OK, so my friend Erica is definitely not in denial, but she is the only one. Everyone else is so involved in covering up their tracks they never stopped to realize that the only people they are fooling is themselves. My friend told me the other day that she knew I was a lesbian in fifth grade. That made me laugh because even though the thought had crossed my mind, I never really came out to myself until the beginning of seventh grade.

She started telling me about all the things she noticed that hinted at it and she was right. I hadn't even realized it myself! I guess some people are just a little slower than others, but if it takes a lifetime than you definitely need to open up and deal with your feelings. They're not going to go away so don't even bother trying to make them disappear. It really aggravates me when people waste their lives by marrying and having kids when that's not what they really want to do. They just try to please everyone else. But by doing that you can never be truly happy. Remember that the most important person in your life is you!

My hope was that in high school everything wouldn't be so underground. If a girl liked me she would just ask me out, if I liked her then I would say yes, if I didn't then I would say no. Simple right? No, not so simple. That would mean I would be known as "one of them" whom my friend Katherine had so graciously informed me were left alone at my soon to be school. The sad part of that is she said it optimistically as if it were a good thing. I think not! We are not a different species. Why should we be left alone? Then all those straight arrows would strut around saying, "hey we never bothered you, don't bother us!" (I am not saying that all straight people would say this, but there are a lot of them out there that would)

That is not what it's about. Leaving us alone is not being fair. It is being afraid of something different. Treating us like everyone else is being just and fair, because guess what? That's what we are. I hate to disappoint all of those people out there with their little stereotypes. Me for instance. No, I don't have short hair. No, I don't dress butch. No, I don't dress femme. I just dress me. Nice casual comfortably fitting clothes. I love cargo pants! Oh wait sorry everyone normal likes those, forget I mentioned it. Try this, I don't like sports. No, I don't go all out on the boys' baseball team. I hate sports. Sorry, guess I can't help being normal. Let's see what else. Here's something you don't see every day. I'm a thirteen year old lesbian who gets A's in school. I don't rebel, though I've thought about it. Haven't gotten any tattoos or piercings as of yet. (I might break that rule) My parents love me.

In case you haven't gotten the point already (I'm speaking to those straight arrows with the thick heads), cut the stereotypes already! Everyone is special because of their own talents and personality. I got a lead role in the school play. My best friend is the nicest (straightest) girl you'll ever meet. (Most of my friends are straight, or members of the IDA) Even though I am a lesbian, I still look at guys. My motto is look, but don't touch. I get crushes. I might even go out with one. Sorry again for being normal. What is normal? It's a way for certain groups of people who have stuff in common to feel like everyone on the outside doesn't belong. I think it is stupid and humanity created it when people weren't ready to deal with reality. Well it's time to deal!

Some of my friends are probably the people saying, "We leave them alone and they leave us alone." They don't know that they are good friends with one of "them". They just happen to like me for myself. My best friend who does know still likes me for who I am because I was always me. I didn't change or go bad when I realized my sexuality. I am still the same person that my parents love, and that tries hard at school. I am just me. I'm also a hopeless romantic like many of the female population. I just happened to turn the other way.

Ignorance is really the big problem. If people would just take the time to realize that we are no different from anyone else. Some one in an article of the September issue of Oasis said that there should be day when all the gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender people turn purple. I totally agree. If that happened all those ignorant people out there would realize that some one they love is what they have been fearing for years and there is really nothing to fear. They would make friends with the enemy, see the faces behind the names, and maybe it would change them enough to rid the world of its prejudice and ignorance. Maybe someday. That gives me something to hope for. That's all I have to say for now. If you'd like to reach me e-mail me at Cyrano89@aol.com. Thanks for listening.


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