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Alex

December 1998

Hello everyone, this is the first I am writing for Oasis. I have been reading the columns and I thought I should write one too.

My name is Alex and I am 15 and live in New York. I came out to most of my family including my mom and tell most of the new people I meet that I am gay. I do not have a boyfriend as of right now even though I wish I did. Well, I was seeing this one guy but it hasn't gotten to far. To tell you the truth everyone, I have been feeling really different since I came to the conclusion that I am gay. Feels weird, but not wrong, in fact I feel better. Lots of thing have been better since I have told people I'm gay. My parents are very supportive and my relationship with them is much better. People tell me I am happier. If being happier is a result coming out, I'm glad I did. I have been getting the hang of being gay too. Trying to figure this gaydar thing out. Is it really there? I guess I will just have to find out. So far I have not come across anyone calling me "faggot" or anything hateful towards gays. Maybe because I don't tell people that might call me those names. All I know is a lot of people are way cooler than I thought or as accepting of it as I thought they would have been. I haven't encountered any bigotry towards me so far and I really hope I don't.

The other day I was talking to what you would call "my Internet friend," who was asking me "how did you come out?" I didn't really know what to respond with. The first person I told was my mom, and when I told her I was more upset than she was. So I told him that it depended on his family as well how he would tell them. The best I could tell him.

Last night I was watching Real World, Road Rules Challenge. When one of those MTV news briefs came on. There was Kurt Loader and he started to talk about Matthew Shepherd. Now I know a lot of people wrote about this and it might be depressing but, I wanted to say write something. Kurt said that "Matthew's face was covered in blood and it was washed clean by the tears." I was so ANGRY. How could anyone do that to him? I didn't understand why. I can't think of any intelligent words to describe it in, except that it was pointless. It just made everyone sad and afraid. Every time my mom hears about some hate crime against gays, I have to listen to her tell me that I should run back in the closet and swallow the key. I can't do that!!!!! I can never go back, I hated the closet and the fact that there is such a term. I was reading LIFE magazine in school the other day, when I saw a picture of an old man who appeared to be a veteran of some kind. He was holding a sign that read "Freedom of choice is the freedom to hate, " it was something of that nature I don't remember it word for word.

He was protesting during Matthew's funeral. When I first saw it I just thought he was a jerk. After I thought about it I came to the conclusion that, this man was right. He did have the right to hate. He has the right to hate who ever he chooses. As long as he doesn't cause any harm. What can we do? My idea is just try and target younger people and just let the bigots die out. I just hope eventually bigots will just die out, because it seems to be going that way so far. And good for us, lets try and speed it up.

Peace and Love,

Alex

I love getting email, any feedback is great with me, send to Lex1812@aol.com


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