December 1998

Junior year has started, and I'm 16. First quarter has ended and things are going all right. The feeling that is overwhelming me lately is asking the question: who can you trust?

It is probably a question that most people probably ask. Lately all my friends are talking about is a gay kid that is out at school, or about these gay people who live in our town. Our town is fairly small but these minor details just seem to stick out. It has become an inside joke about everything, and I eventually just get sick of if, and wonder what if these people knew. I guess most people are also assuming the same thing, so this probably isn't the most original idea for me to wonder about. I've just come to realize that these are probably not the people who I will be hanging around the rest of my life, or maybe not even the rest of the year. A person can only take so much.

I fear ever coming out to any of my friends who are both male and female because I just hope I won't become a joke of theirs. I always thought it would be cool though as some kind of revenge though that once I am away from my town, to get word back to my friends about who I am. I just want to know what their reaction was when they find that their high school best friend was gay. I don't know what kind of expressions or feelings they will be experiencing but it would be interesting.

I am also a little upset also at a comment my friend made a while ago. A gay kid at my school wishes to get married to his boyfriend who lives in another town. This was major news a while ago when it was entirely new to everyone. My friend heard this information and says, "That is just wrong, gay people can't do that." I can almost understand that reaction from a moral point of view, but then his next comment left me to only grind me teeth at the boy. "You at least wouldn't expect gay people to want to be committed anyway, they usually aren't into that, they only have sex with each other," he said then expecting agreement.

That is just the kind of impression that makes me kind of upset. I just felt like smacking the kid, but I don't know. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. There are people in both sexualities that are only in it for the sex, but a stereotype is hard to be changed and I wonder if it will be. Anyway, sorry for writing a whole page of complaints, but I hope it related to some people.

Write me at Trainvn23@hotmail.com


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