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Joshua S.

December 1998

A Faith Like Mine

I am catholic, and I have had to live my life hearing that being bi or gay was a sin and I shall go to hell for that one simple reason. Well I have done a lot of soul searching and I have asked a lot of questions about my sexuality. I have concluded that my religion vs. my sexuality has been one of the main reasons I have had such a hard time accepting who I am. So here are some things I have learned in my search for an answer...

Romans 1:26-27 -- Because people did those things, God left them and let them do the shameful things they wanted to do. Women stopped having natural sex, and started having sex with other women. In the same way, men stopped having sex and began wanting each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and in their bodies they received punishment for these wrongs.

An explanation: We don't go to Hell because of our sexual orientation. Scripture says all men/women are born headed for hell and "God so loved us that he sent his only begotten son so that who ever believes in him would not perish". Life is a test and we all must fight for what we believe in, and I believe that God loves us all, and when we are victorious through all of the pain in life we will be rewarded in heaven. We are not damned by God, but only those who are too narrow-minded to understand what God has made us to be. To the death of prejudice and the birth of understanding.

There are a few other verses found in the bible that talks about sexuality. The way it sounds having sex with another man is only a sin if you don't love the person or it destroys a marriage you are in, but the same goes for people who are straight. The Bible also says that only homosexual offenders are damned whatever that actually means. Also this was written at a certain time in history when men were engaging in sexual acts with other men just as something new and interesting to do on the party scene, it was just the act of random sex not love. At this time Paul also wrote things like "women must do exactly what their husbands tell them" and "it is better to remain unmarried unless you can't control yourself" this was written at a certain time to address a certain issue. Jesus never said one word damning homosexual/bi people.

A man once told me that there were certain reasons why I was bisexual. They are as follows: a certain chemical imbalance during my prenatal development, something I was exposed to as a child, my rebellion against my father and my God. First of all I do believe I was born this way, and it has nothing to do with my actions and adolescence. I will be the first to say that I have problems with my father and his beliefs, but why would I put myself through all this pain just to make him mad? It is totally insane and I find it ridicules that someone would even imagine that to be the case. As for rejecting God, that is totally asinine. I have always loved, feared, and followed my God. Yes I don't totally agree with Catholicism, but that doesn't mean that I love God any less.

When I realized I was bisexual I was very much an innocent catholic boy. I didn't even swear back then. I prayed for God to make me like everyone else. I didn't want to be bi, but I am, and I don't think God loves me any less for that. I believe he has made me this way. Maybe I don't totally understand why, but I don't understand a lot of things in life, and I'm obviously not the only one. It just pisses me off to think that some guy who doesn't know me is coming up with these stupid assumptions on why people are the way they are. Maybe next time he should analyze his own life. Thank you for reading.

Joshua S.
running_on_empty@hotmail.com


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