Aztec Yhessin

December 1998

I haven't really thought of, read, or written for Oasis for several months, though for some reason I feel compelled to write for this issue. It may be due to something that's on my mind.


On August 31st, 1998, I stepped into a classroom for the first time in about seven years. Why? Because my parents were dissatisfied with the local school corporation, they pulled me out in 1992, and put me on a home-schooling program that I didn't really work at. So, I never went to high school. I was never exposed to the grueling bullshit of school, and I was never exposed to the lust and other yearnings that one can find in an environment such as college.

It's still amazing to me, that after not really working toward any scholastic valor in the past seven years, I actually aced the G.E.D., scored rather high on the A.C.T., and generally found it not very stressful or complicated to apply to college with my abstractly unusual background. Basically, I'm really amazed that I made it in. I'm extremely amazed that I made it this far period.

But, what did await me these first few months of college? What completely surprised me? Well, being a bisexual male, with a rather healthy, yet controllable sex drive, I never expected to be superficially attracted to every single person that I saw, especially the men. Now, the phrase every single person is an exaggeration, though I assume that most of you gets the point.

There are close to a hundred students in my psychology class. Nearly half of them are twinks. What's a twink? For you that are not familiar with that concept or terminology, a twink is a very attractive male, with hardly any body fat, and an adorable boyish disposition. The problem arises when I find myself staring at these males, wondering if they have ever had, or been interested in a boy-boy experience. Now, of course, this question will never be answered for most of them, but I wonder if it's credible, or respectable, that I find myself either imagining or wondering what these people look like unclothed. And, did they have to work out since age twelve to get that kind of body? The body factor intimidates me, since I'm not nearly as superficially correct compared to any of these other candidates.

I argue, of course they are mostly all C students, you know, the ones that bring down the class point average, though, they're so damn cute. This type of thought process pretty much sickens me.

But, though, and all throughout, the whole environment gets more complicated when I find myself thinking about these guys (mostly guys, not a lot of girls -- though I'm more picky with girls than I am with guys) and I have to come to terms with reality that my bisexual girlfriend of over six months is sitting right next to me. I wonder if she's seeing what I'm seeing, and if she's making comparisons of them to me. I wonder if she's looking at the girls.

Complicated post-adolescence issues, though I find myself sifting through them rather well. I am now understanding the wide-open eyes, lucidity, and constant lusting of high school aged homosexual and bisexual males. I now understand that they're not exactly sure what do to when exposed to such stimuli. What are you supposed to do?

I've come up with a list.

To Counteract the Effect of Adolescent Lusting in an Stimulated Environment:

1. Always pick up 3-D holographic glasses so you can completely distort the vision of someone with an amazing physical disposition sitting next to you.

2. Never allow yourself to drop your jaw, drool uncontrollably, or make licking motions to a classmate nearby. It's disrespectful, and makes people wonder about you. Possibly you could keep your oral fixation/obsession under control if you invest in a life-saving object known as a pacifier, or binky.

3. Always never - okay, this one was just out to a bad start.

4. If you attain an erection, never try to cover it too much, it just brings further attention. Avoid physical means of hiding your tidbit of an excited problem. Attempt more cognitive means, such as thinking about spaghetti, your mother, or Bruce Willis at age 82. Possibly you could even ponder your local district's wins and losses at last month's election.

5. Take deep breaths, concentrate on the lecture at hand, and never follow someone into the bathroom to stare into their urinal. This can turn into a bad situation.

A More Serious Word on...

The recent hate-crime/murder of Matthew Shepard. Let's make it stop. We have the power. That's all I have to say.


Aztec Yhessin is cruising through life trying to find meaning. If you're interested in speaking with him about marshmallows, or anything else in particular, please send him an e-mail @ aztecyhessin@141.com. Make sure to include a brief note containing the name and/or lyrics of/to your favorite song from the soundtrack to the 1986 movie, Labyrinth. His web site is located at http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/6929. Sorry about the long address, www.aztecyhessin.com costs too much to maintain.

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