January 1999


By Nick

Imagine a cute tan face and deep brown eyes, topped with short, cropped brown hair and a tan to die for. Imagine him being your height, your personality, and athletic and fit. Imagine him being your best friend. I know all about him.. because he's mine.

For confidentiality, I'll call him Evan. I've known him since last year, when we went to middle school together, but it wasn't 'til my freshman year of high school that I really got to be good friends with him. The best part of all -- I think he's gay.. in fact, I'm pretty damn sure I know he is -- he admitted it once, then later backed out and said he was joking. Pretty obvious.

Now, the major mistake I can make here is to take it too far.. too fast. How am I going to approach him? How am I going to slowly slip sex into the conversation.. so that maybe he'll end up admitting something? He's very personal and open with me about most topics.. even masturbation (a bit rare for someone my age.)

If you've ever had a crush before on another guy, then you know what I'm talking about. A million questions float through your head that are the same as straight crushes.. does he like me back? does he have any attraction to me? etc. The problem WE face is that we have twice that many questions.... is he gay too? If I admitted to him, could he handle it? Would he care?

I'll continue this little mini-soap opera and keep you updated.. wish me luck, because I'm prepared to take some risks on this one.. personally, I'm sick of watching all the cute ones go by. If you've got any advice.. please.. PLEASE... feel free to share all you like!

But anyway, so many difficult questions that bother many of us every day like those I mentioned before.. they keep us awake at nights. We all wonder whether or not someone else is gay.. we all wonder if we're alone out there... we always try to dive into other people's thoughts so we know that maybe someone else is like us... or maybe that's just me.


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