January 1999

To the Editor: Please change my info heading under my name to say: A H.S. Senior living in Jordan, MT

Well, all of you faithful readers, I am sorry that I didn't write an article last month, but my ISP was down, and I could not submit it. But lets forget the past, all that matters now is that I am here this month.

When you read this, it will be the month of January, and all of you will either be making or breaking your New Years Resolution. My resolution this year: To be more open to my friends. I know, it is relatively boring, but it holds a lot of weight. Think of it. To be truthful. Not lying about who I really am. If you are keeping track, I have let a total of seven people know that I am gay. The latest person I told, Tracey, was extremely surprised.

Duh. I really didn't have to say that. Everyone that I told was surprised.

What I really hate to say is that the Librarian found out. Myself being the idiot that I am, I was using one of my schools computers to check my e-mail, and I forgot to delete one of the 'sensitive messages'. Nonetheless to say, she was surprised, to say the least. She got me in a room, closed the doors, and said, "Sam I would like for you to get some counseling." I don't know about the rest of you, but I am of sound mind and body. I don't need to get counseling. I am happy, and hardly anything could be better.

I have to give my friends credit, however. I put my faith in them not to tell a single soul about me, and so far, they haven't. One of the latest people I told, Clint, walked in on Chan and Bret talking about the subject, and they absolutely refused to tell him. Later that day, Bret was on ICQ, and asked me if I was going to tell him. I debated it for a while, and said "Maybe." Bret convinced me that Clint was a good friend, and extremely trustworthy. And he is. He has been supportive, and very understanding. I am planning to come out of the closet at the '99 Homecoming Girls Basketball / Boys Football games. Mind you, that I am not going to trance on the field and yell "I'm Gay!!!" but, rather I'm probably going to bring a boyfriend, or just wear a Pride Pin. This should be enough for most people. Then, I am going to have a major party, and get plastered.

Recently, I told Bret's Girlfriend, Denyse, and she was startled for a minute, then regained composure. I suppose that I should stop telling my friends, but like they say: "If you can't trust your friends, who can you trust?" Still, I would really like to tell more people. I don't recommend living a lie. But, on the other hand, you have to come out when you fell you are ready. I started out by telling a gay H.S. Senior in Michigan, and he gave me a few pointers.

1) Always be alone, or be with someone else who knows, that is there to support you,

2) Don't be forceful, but rather be gentle.

3) Always be yourself.

On closing thoughts, before telling ANYONE that you are gay, determine if the person you are telling is trustworthy or not. Then be absolutely sure that you want to tell them. I've used the phrase: I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it. It seems to be somewhat strong, but it makes them laugh. Oh, I better stop rambling.

Just remember that I love e-mails, or even ICQ messages. Write lots, and happy New Year!! Oh yeah, a little bit of advice, if you live in a rural town like mine, get a decent ISP. I dialed out a total of 43 times, and didn't connect once!! Thanks for being such great listeners. Peace.


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