January 1999

Hello, old friends. It has been a very long time since I've written anything to Oasis. It has been even longer since I knew WHAT to write. But I have made a resolution for the New Year: I will write from myself. It is, perhaps, the best way for me to say what I want to say.

For the benefit of everyone - those who have forgotten and those who never knew - I will make some brief reintroductions. My name is Shaun. I live in Illinois, and go to a community college here. I might have been attractive once, but depression set in with adolescence, and I blew up like a balloon. I really should try to lose the 40 or 50 pounds I've put on, but I can never "get motivated". Still, when I look at myself in the mirror, I can see the outlines of me. That, my friends, is one of the most depressing moments a person can have. But enough about what I look like. Let's delve a little more into me.

I would not necessarily call myself a spiritual person. I don't really know what I believe anymore. I think, however, that I take a little from every religion and incorporate it into my beliefs. I do know one thing, at least. I believe that we have a soul. Perhaps that will be a topic for another column.

I am not a violent person. I do not get into fights if they can be avoided (which is rather easy, once you get used to it). I am simply incapable of staying angry at people for longer than a minute or two. Perhaps that is a good character trait, but I do wonder what happens to all that anger, anxiety, stress and hatred. I don't think that I bottle it up, because if you bottle something up, is it not supposed to come back in a big explosion or some such? Ah, but I am still young yet... the future may yet answer that question.

I generally care for people. There is almost no one I would wish genuine harm on. Except perhaps for someone like Hitler...and even that is an "iffy" question. Does saving the lives of millions really justify the murder of someone? Ah, these are the questions that make the head spin and make me want to lie down. But I digress. I am a very forgiving person, and one who believes that *everyone* deserves a chance to make amends and start over.

I have a wonderful sense of humor. Unfortunately, years of living in an often-cynical world have shaped that humor into something a little darker, a little more bitter than it should be. But I still see the lighter side of life. I believe that no one can call themselves intelligent if they do not laugh once in a while. Sometimes, even at themselves.

That is pretty much it for introductions. If you want to know more, you can always email me. My boxes are always open, and I love receiving letters. It gives me a chance to spread a little joy to the universe. It is a terrible responsibility, but someone must do it.

On a closing note, I want to take a moment to say "Thank you" to the staff of Oasis. I believe that if it were not for this small website, I would not be a self-affirming gay teenager. In fact, I would probably be dead. So again, let me offer my small praise to Jeff and everyone else involved in making Oasis what it is - a source of knowledge in a desert of ignorance.


"I am gray. I stand between the darkness and the light. We are gray. We stand between the candle and the star." Anlashok5@hotmail.com

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