January 1999

Bonjour. Je m'appelle Sonja et j'ai dix-sept ans. J'habite a Vermont et je suis en mon annee terminale. Don't mind me, I just took my French final this afternoon and I haven't really adjusted to thinking in English again. For those of you who don't speak French, my name is Sonja, and I'm a seventeen year old high school senior in Vermont. And since you asked, yes I'm bisexual.

Did you hear that right? I'm bisexual. I'm not a lesbian. I'm very amused at the rumors about me, that I only like girls. I probably shouldn't complain, but it really bothers me that I'm stuck in an identity that isn't mine. It's almost worse than everyone believing me to be straight before I came out.

Don't get me wrong, I love girls. I just like guys too. People don't seem to understand this. I was talking to some of my friends the other day, and I mentioned this guy I thought was cute and they all looked at me as if I had about six or seven heads and finally one of them said "but Sonja, I thought you were a Yankee." [batting for the Yankees is common slang for homosexuality around where I live...it may be different where you are, just thought I should explain that one].

No, I'm NOT gay. Funny for me to be writing this article for a GLBT youth magazine proclaiming that I am not gay...the irony is killing me. I really hate being trapped in an identity that isn't my own. If I was a lesbian, I would have no problems with people making that assumption or talking about me [which I know they do]...but I'm not. I have no problem with the people who know I'm bi and talk about it either to me or about me...that doesn't bother me at all, because that's who I am.

That's just one part of me...I'm bisexual, but I'm also a musician, an actress, a student, a friend, a daughter, a "hippie" [another label given to me...this one fits], etc. There are many parts of me, my sexuality is just one little piece. No matter how small or large a part of me it may be, I still get bothered when people put labels on me that they think fit, but in reality confine me and make me itch and squirm. I'm done rambling now. I hope you enjoyed my random insights on life. Happy 1999. Especially to all you fellow seniors out there...the end is in sight.


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