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Avid

February 1999

Well hello again my fellow Oasis folks...I can hardly believe it's February already! The Spring semester started a few weeks ago, and it's official...all my classes suck. Not one cute girl in any of them! I guess that's what happens when you take night classes...you get all of the middle aged people attempting to start their lives over again. Well anyway...I had a very interesting mental adventure yesterday on my way to class. I was walking up to my building when an extremely stunning man walked passed me on the side walk. (I may be a lesbian...but I'm not blind damn it!) Extremely well dressed, clean cut, nice body, great smile...his shoes even matched his outfit... I'm sure he was probably gay!

So anyhow, I looked at him and he smiled sweetly and kept walking. In that split second I wondered what it would be like to switch bodies with this man. Oh...the possibilities of it all... When I was younger...I used to wish and pray that I was a boy, not really because I wanted to be a male or have a penis...but because I did not understand my affinity for women. I just assumed God made a mistake with me...and that I should pretend to be a boy and hope to hell that no one would notice. Well...people noticed all right! The closest I ever got to being a guy was being called a 'tom boy." Damn it if I did not hate people calling me that! It was just a way for the people around me to classify my appearance and my behavior into something that they could feel comfortable with... Even to this day when I see old friends of the family and such...people look at me and go "oohh...yeah...you were the tom boy! I remember you!" What the hell is that all about? My name had become synonymous with androgyny I guess... I know modern medicine is pretty damn amazing these days...but I honestly don't have any desire to change my sex just to fit my sexual preference.

Well anyway...back to that cute gentleman I met yesterday... I really wonder what it would be like to be him for a little while...just to see what it was like...not just as a man, but as a completely different person living a completely different life. However, I would be forced to use my 'invasion of the body snatchers' situation to my advantage and get revenge on ex-girlfriends who were in lesbian limbo when they left me... Bitter? What? Where?!

But then again...I probably wouldn't want to be a man because with my luck...I would most likely end up falling for a lesbian and then I would be in some major trouble attempting to convince her I was a woman all of the sudden trapped in a man's body! I imagine lesbians wouldn't want to date me if I was a man...right?! A woman trapped in a man's body...hmmm...would a lesbian still love me and want to be with me on an intimate level if I had a man's body?

I guess this brings up the point that many people make about homosexual relationships, in that it has nothing to do with someone's body (i.e. the plumbing)...but rather its their partner's soul they are attracted to and it ended up being in the body of the same sex...go figure?! But is this really the case?! Is it the body we are initially attracted to as homosexual individuals...or is it the inside that really counts?! Would we date the opposite sex if our 'soul mate' resided in their bodies?

I really considered this point...and came to the conclusion that my sexual orientation is just that...sexual. Sure there are emotionalities and characteristics in a woman that I find completely irresistible that I could possibly find in a man...but I honestly don't think I would be with a man, no matter his 'insides,' because I am not attracted to his body. Is that wrong of me to base my love and intimate affection on looks and physiology alone? Well...someone find me a woman trapped inside a man's body and I'll test my little theory...

Sincerely,

Avid
Xenarocs@hotmail.com


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