E.J. Chasse is a freshman at Penn State.
I must apologize first off, I have been gone for a while. My life has been a wreck, but is going really well now (which happens to be my primary topic).
For those of you who know me from else where, you knew that I was trying to start over from my former life. For those who don't, lets just say this: My life before college was hell, and I am JUST now recovering. I must thank a lot of people out there for the change in my life. First, Jeff, who created this magazine, for without Oasis I would have never finished this semester.
I thank my friends Jesse, Chip, Colleen and Tim who gave me the faith in the straight population, and they reminded me of my roots.
And finally, Lou, who has taught me what love truly is.
THE STORY LINE:
After dealing with several suicidal and drug addicted Boyfriends: I had the "I am obsessed-going to play every game in the book to get you back" boyfriend. The "I am too uncomfortable to even admit that I am gay" Boyfriend (which is not a bust on those who are unsure, this boy was just really weird about it). The "I am a slut-in it for sex-attempt to rape you" boyfriend. The "I am going to make my life worse than it really is" boyfriend.
Then Seth came. He showed me that there are people out there who are worth caring for. He just didn't want to be that person I cared for.
Then Sean, who is a wonderful man and will always be special to me, who taught me that I deserve to be loved, damnit!
But then I became the male whore. My self esteem plunged. And I kinda nervous because I didn't exactly use protection all the time. (I know, really F***ing smart) But so far so good...I appear to be clean and I will know for sure soon. I was truly lucky, and I knew it.
So I was there, barely existing. Yeah, I went to school, and I ate food and breathed, but my life had little meaning to it. Until I met Lou.
He changed my mind about life in so many ways. He saved me as Jesse did years ago, and Tim did before him. Lou is more than my boyfriend: He is my best friend. Now I see my life in a perspective that I never knew possible: With hope.
Now its not Evan James Chasse verses The Universe, its E.J. vs. His own limits. I have seen that I have no one to fear but myself. No one can stop me from being who I am, except myself. I am not the boy from Gettysburg anymore. I am a man who carries his home in the nightmares and the bad dreams at night, and visits during winter break.
SPEAKING OF WHICH:
So I went home after a hard semester. I did not look forward to this, after all, the LAST thing I need when I am worn out, is the work of fighting my hometown, old friends, and parents. Gettysburg, for once, became almost pleasant.
My parents backed off (knowing I didn't have to come home for Christmas). And some old friends that betrayed me reconciled. Then Lou showed up at my New Years party and Gettysburg almost seemed nice.
ALL GOOD THINGS:
Well, I blinked, and it was done, and the bad luck my life seems to deal me continues to pour in...but I realize I more good luck than most people.
I am living my dreams:
I am an Adult, at Penn State, with a wonderful boyfriend, who loves me, who I love, and I have my life ahead of me.
Some people just call me Lucky now...Not too bad for a nickname.
Anyway...My message for this month:
THE REALIST IN ME:
Play it safe guys. You think you know someone: you don't. HIV can hide. And I am not saying to be paranoid, but condoms are cheap. And you can SERIOUSLY reduce the risk during oral sex if you do NOT climax in the mouth. How do I know? Well, one of the things they tell you when you get tested...what's safe...what's not safe...and what is the lesser of two evils. I am not promoting risky practices, you guys don't need any promotions (and I think the best sex can be by yourself-sometimes), but I AM saying that if you are going to take risks, why not the lesser of the two...but please play it safe if you can.
I love you Lou.