February 1999

Well, as I am sitting here in first hour Government, typing away at this article, I am reminded about what one of my friends said last month when he read my article. I will never forget it, he said "My God Sam, your life is just like a Soap Opera!" I thought that that was very strange. But, I have to admit, I really care for my friends, although one of them, I am not sure which one yet, made me very mad.

This brings me to the core of my subject this month. Betrayal. One of my friends of whom which I entrusted this extremely sensitive information, let it go. I am not sure which one yet, But I promised myself that when I find them, He/She and I are going to have a very serious talk, in which I will most certainly be yelling. I don't know. I have talked to everyone who knew, and they all swear that they never told a soul. Imagine this: You are sitting at your computer on New Year's Day, late at night, chatting away with one of your friends on ICQ. He tells you that on New Year's Eve, at a party here in town, EVERYONE was talking about it. I immediately began to manifest an instant cold. My pulse went up from 65 to 135, my beating rate went up from 22 breaths/minute to 75, and my temperature went up from 98.2 to 103.3. I immediately had an overwhelming sensation of nausea, and I felt like I was having a heart attack.

I will tell all of you this: I was afraid. I was VERY afraid. Primarily, I had not told everyone because of one person. He will go by the name of Nolan. I omitted his last name, to protect his privacy. He is one of those typical mid-westerners that has never experienced any real culture, or any variety of life such as African-Americans, Chinese, Japanese, or even Lesbigays. He always said that if he ever met anyone that was gay, he would kill them. I was so afraid of Nolan, that I was convinced that suicide was the only escape. I was actually prepared to kill myself. But Nolan and I had a chat at one of the Boys Basketball games before he had to play, and he convinced me that I shouldn't because it didn't really matter that much. We talked for a few minutes, and we shared lots that night. He and I became closer that night. He confides in me now, he lets me know things that he wouldn't tell his girlfriend.

A few days later, I found out that Nolan wasn't the one to be afraid of. I gave one of my friends a hug, and Dom found out about it. It was his girlfriend, and I knew that she was. But the next day in Government, he threatened my life. I wasn't that scared, however, because I knew him, and he wouldn't do anything like that.

In the beginning of January, the count of who knew was 9, now I have confirmed it to be at least 36, maybe more. I just hope that my Mom doesn't find out. Any comments are appreciated. I will talk more about it next month.


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