February 1999

Love. We all know what it means and we all have, or hope to, experienced it. Love is more than just physical touch, but we all know that too. Love is the emotion inside you that gives you hope and feeling. Which is why it hurts so damn much when you lose it. Of course, it isn't always easy to find either. Which, when you do find it, makes you not want to ever give it up. So, with that in mind, I dedicate this column to my true friends, who have helped me live through many periods of my life, my readers, who continuously show me that people do care and that they can relate, and to my first girlfriend (that's right, I was heterosexual thinking at one point of time) who taught me that love is one of the strongest forces in the world.

First Love

I am going to now finally tell you what happened to me so many years ago when I was first physically loved. Do forgive me if this story puts a damper on anyone's St. Valentines Day.

I moved to my town when I was 4 yo. I immediately made a friend 4 years older than I was. We were great friends for all the time he was here -- in 1993 he moved. But one day when I was six, he had me over to play a hide-and-seek kind of game. When I came though, he had an older friend there too, my guess is he was 10-12. So my friends went to go hide an object for us to look for.

Then the other boy suggested I close the door and lock it. I did. He was lying on the bed and I sat next to his feet. Then, out of nowhere, he says 'Suck my dick'. I, being only 6 , thought he was joking, so I laughed and said the same. Then he said 'I asked first' and I acknowledged. Then he asked if I really would, so peer pressure, I said sure.

He had me put my hands on either side of his waist, close my eyes, open my mouth and then lower down. You can pretty much guess what happened from there. I never saw the boy again so, I don't have an explanation for why and how come. I, for years though, have always wanted to find him again, to see him and if he remembers me. But...

So now you guys know what I have been hiding for eight years. Thank you for reading all the time. Once again, I APOLOGIZE THIS IS SO SHORT


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