February 1999

Silent Martyrs

You know who you are, yet to the rest of the world you're practically invisible.

Just like me.

You are the ones who go through life carrying a big secret, one that you guard with sophistication that would make any magician turn green with envy.

Just like I do everyday.

You are the people that put up with negative comments and jokes made about gays, sometimes in school, sometimes at work, and even at times from your own family members.

They can't see the frown behind your smile, can they?

You are the ones that go to a public restroom for the intended purpose and instead find yourself in prime cruising territory, being hit on by someone that just doesn't interest you.

Maybe you've hear the banter before:

"Hey kid...want to have some fun?"

"How do you know you don't like it until you've tried it?"

"You make me so hot!"

You run away feeling disgusted, and later on when you're at home you critique every inch of your body wondering why that person choose you, why he said that to you...and you fear going there again.

You're more like me than you may think.

So many times you find yourself looking at gay oriented books at the local bookstore but only one eye is on the page you reading since the other is on the lookout for anyone that may recognize you. When you read that gay magazine you've heard so much about it's conveniently placed inside another, less conspicuous one.

I know that trick too.

Late at night while your family is asleep you surf the Internet in search of something...somebody...anything that can help you cope with your feelings. When you do find it you soon may realize that the image on that glowing blue screen is your only source of support...if anybody will even talk to you?

Been there, done that too.

You find yourself summonsing up the courage to attend gay support groups only to feel like the others have placed you under a microscope, and if you don't fit their criteria you may end up feeling like you have to prove your worthiness to be there.

Do I even have to say it?

Or maybe, just maybe, you finally have an opportunity to attend a Gay Pride Celebration and then find yourself wondering if you even have anything in common with those people?

So you end up being a member in a group that goes unnoticed.

The silent martyrs.

Let your voice be heard!


©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.