March 1999

I will force myself not to write in length about my fruitless Valentine's day. I did however, do the whole butch thing and got my long distance love interest flowers. Thank the God's for e-commerce. That very same day I ordered my contacts, bought my grandmother some chocolates, got movie times, printed off my tax forms, and I did not even have to lift my ass off the chair. I have almost forgotten how life worked before I was online!

Anyhow, I just read the newest People magazine and it had some stupid little articles about some heterosexual couples that met their 'soul mates' online. It was a completely boring read. However, it got me to thinking...I am sure just as many gay couples have met and fallen in love online...so why wouldn't People magazine include them in the article? Or why weren't there any Asian or African-American couples interviewed? It was just a bunch of old white folks...! There is no diversity whatsoever. I realize a magazine such as this has a target market of old white people and doctor's offices...but what the hell?!

I attempted to remedy this problem by subscribing to The Advocate. Part of me subscribed to the magazine because I somehow thought that my connection to the GLB community could be slightly obtained through this magazine. In all actuality, I felt obligated to subscribe! I'm gay...this is one of the most respected and poplar GLB mags on the market...it is my civic duty as a lesbian to pay forty bucks a year to read about how oppressed we are...or what crappy things some right wing Christian Coalition old white guy that probably reads People magazine has to say about us. I don't know...it just pisses me off.

Well...speaking of the Advocate. I am almost ashamed to say this...but I don't get it sent to my home, but to my sister's house. So I can retrieve them when I visit. If some folks don't know...the magazine comes in plastic with white paper flaps over it so that no one would know it was a gay magazine. Kinda like how Playboys get wrapped in that brown bag thing. Not that I would ever subscribe to Playboy or anything...<evil grin> But that seems rather disconcerting to me. The whole hiding issue. Of course I sure as hell should not be talking since I get the thing mailed to my sister's house for God's sake!! Talk about the pot calling the kettle crack! <inane drug reference)

But seriously, if we are all so afraid of the truth...and hide our sexuality...will equality ever be achieved?! I sincerely doubt it. Publicity is what gets things done in this world. Most people in this country did not know what a sweat shop was a few years ago before the big thing about that Gifford chick. Now we have public outcries and non-profit foundations and spokespeople traveling the world ridding us of evil manufacturing plants and the like. Do you think if the gay community created an uproar would it hurt us more than help our cause? I hate to use this example...but it is the best comparison that comes to mind. African-Americans went through the same type of discrimination and oppression that we are going through right now. They staged sit-ins and marches and protests etc. Obviously African-Americans had it ten times worse back in the day than homosexuals do now...but it's still the same kind of fearful mentality of gay people in America and throughout the world that was evident with regard to African-Americans.

When will our Malcolm X or our Martin Luther King Jr. come along to lead us in the battle for equality? I think that is our major downfall as a community. We certainly don't want Chastity Bono to be our spokeswoman (though she certainly tries)...and Ellen and Anne are too Hollywood. I wish Tony Robbins was gay...perhaps we could get him not only to motivate the hell out of us...but could help change people's minds about homosexual individuals. We really just need someone to lead us...and not just a bunch of human rights groups concentrating on there own agendas. Like this Human Rights Campaign march planned on Washington DC in 2000. Other groups were upset because they felt undermined or something. Don't we all pretty much have the same goals here?! <shrugging shoulders>

I always thought that I would never want to be an activist of any kind...I just wanted to live my own life and not be part of any so called "community." But you know what...that cannot happen in this day and age. Try as I might...nothing will improve unless I get off my ass and do something about it. I don't want to be militant about it...I think people would laugh at me if I started a group called the Gay Panthers. Every time I hear the words "Black Panthers" I think of that part in Forrest Gump where he beats the guy up for hitting his girl and told the leader guy that he was sorry for ruining his "Black Panther party..." That line makes me giggle to a certain extent. I don't know why I just told you that...but there you go.

I apologize for always being so somber and serious...I'm just kinda like that. But I promise you this...I'll write a fluffy and light article whenever that day shall come to pass. Deal? Stick with me folks...my life gets better every day I keep breathing. I imagine I'll be damn near giddy by the time I'm old and decrepit... unfortunately I will be too frail to enjoy it!



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