March 1999

I am wondering this month what a friend is. My best friend in the world has been Steve. He moved two houses away when we were seven. We did everything together. Vacations, overnights, school work, playing on teams, learning about sex, everything you could think of we did. His parents and mine were friends.

Then last spring we went to his cousin's house. His cousin was 22. He gave us beer and stuff to drink. We were both only 12 then. We did it one more time and I got pretty drunk and so did Steve. The next day I was really really sick. But my parents thought it was the flu. We were going to go one more time a month later, but a couple of friends talked me out of it. I went with him but we didn't drink any alcohol. I decided not to go back.

But Steve went back a few times. And then he wanted me to go with him. He said it was more fun when I was there. My friends Scooter and Rick said, "Don't go!" Steve said, "If you are my best friend, then you will go with me." I said no. I am your friend, and I think you shouldn't go. Rick, who is 16 and goes to AA tried to stop him and he got mad and went with another friend. He didn't talk to me for a week, and we still don't talk much.

My parents wonder what happened. I wonder if I should tell his parents what is going on. But I can't tell on the guy who was my best friend for 6 years and who I still love. I just wish he would figure out what is going on. It's like he has changed into somebody else.

So I just wonder. Does a friend last forever? Does he change? Can I get a lost friend back? It's been a hard month. It seems so empty without Steve in my life every day, and in my house almost all the time. I want him back. Do I take him back the way he is, going to his cousin's house? Or do I just take him back as a friend no matter what if that is what he wants? I guess this is how I learn what a friend really is. Both from me and Steve.


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