March 1999


I don't really have a clue what to write about this month so it's just going to be a case of wondering into the literary blue and seeing what I can come up with while simultaneously writing the column for March (I think). I have become a bit out of sync over the months, especially with the mostly (Ok, that's a lie, take out the mostly and it would be right) drunken Christmas and New Year combined with writing December's column in October. I must become less organised, my life is al-most showing structure again.

However, with structure has come, well, boredom of the most extreme kind. It's like every Monday I get up and have melodramatic thoughts about how the day will proceed, go to school, do maths, economics, drama (very gay, I know), nothing in frees. For any teachers reading that should read I do school work in my 'study periods'. Anyway, I go home and do homework then sleep. I do just the same thing on Tuesday, Wednesday etc. and it's become really boring.

I kept wanting to break the monotony by doing something really outrageous like wearing, gasp, PINK. (Well, no, probably purple, I don't really like pink.) How-ever, I suppose this shows something of the lack of ambition and imagination I feel present at the moment. I was ready to take over the world on Friday after winning a group thing at school and now I just can't seem to find the motivation. My singing teacher (you don't have to tell me, another gay thing) really pissed me off on the weekend, I think that's it. She's such a bitch.

My big dilemma is, if I want to keep going to stagecoach, another faggy thing, I have to keep working at the shop which I really don't like because it's just so fuck-ing boring. The same routine: do all the stocking up, cleaning, etc. see the same faces and say 'do you know how much petrol you put in' a million times. I have been thinking though. I need to find my self a rich man who will get sex and I'll get his money to pay for stagecoach and we'll all be happy. Hmm. I somehow don't see myself down at Club 2000 (tacky name I know. Oh, hang on. Law suits, that should be, wonderful name) wiggling my bum to get a gay. I don't think I'd get past the bouncers.

Mind you what I would be doing is using sex to pay for my next term of stage-coach so I may as well use it to get into the club in the first place. Surely no bouncer could resist a proposition from a beauty like myself?. Well, maybe if I wore a paper bag over my head.

Of course then there's the problem I may be seen by someone in the club who knows me and then he would threaten to 'out' me and I'd have to pay him off with sex because it's not safe for me to be out.

Then someone may see me going into the club who knows me and then he/she may start to blackmail me and I have no money at all unless my boyfriend was really tough and muscly and then he could beat up the blackmailer and that would be sorted. The problem is I don't really like the hugely muscular type. Have you ever felt really strong muscles, there not very nice. That means I'd have to go for a less favourable type than my preferred sort: well but not over built out door type. Bugger.

This fucking business is getting very complicated. Let's summarise. I'd become more tired with all the sex involved, have to deal with blackmailers and go for a really muscular guy which I don't want. God, life is just so complicated (for full ef-fect I think I should make a gesture with my wrists here, 'flick'). Of course I could just quit Stagecoach but I really love it. HELP ME I'M SINKING.

If you have a different (helpful) angle on my dilemma, that I didn't really know existed before I began to write this column please let me know at 'Fend@sylvestris.demon.co.uk'. You know the usual e-mail spiel. I'll reply ASAP etc.

To break the flow again, Do you think that buy doing a column about the biggest sexual web of potential deceit to ever be revealed on the net and using words like 'fag' and 'fucking' I have become more outrageous? Are we allowed to used such words and write about such things here? I think so, I haven't provoked any law suits, annoyed any teachers or impeached on anyone's safety so this should get published. Good.

Love to You all


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