Sorry I didn't write last month, I had absolutely no time at all. I was loaded down with homework and either worked or skied (usually both) on weekends. Also, I just needed a break from the January article. Most of the replies I got were asking me if I was depressed or bitter. I'd just like to say I'm fine, I was just not having the best day.
Have you ever felt so good that you think that nothing could ever go wrong? But something does? It's almost like a piece of you has been taken away. A piece of you that has laid unused for so long, and now that you've used it, it's taken away. Well, that's what pretty much happened to me during these past few months. Let me explain:
I used to think that I didn't own an ego. I knew that at one point I had acquired one, but due to constant trampling it had withered away. Eventually, due to this conditioning, I had convinced myself that I was immune to rejection. I would go along, not really caring what people said or thought of me. This seemed to work for a while.
Then, I met this guy who seemed interested in me. Then I met another, and another. It seemed as if things were starting to turn for the better. I started to get to know them all better, and eventually started to drift towards one of them. Things were going well, we were becoming friends. So far we had only talked through email and AOL instant messenger (we lived pretty close to each other, but went to different schools). We both skied for our schools so we decided to meet at the races.
While at one race, I had one of my friends from his school point him out to me. He was different than anyone else I had ever seen. For one, he was strikingly handsome, but that wasn't what startled me. He sort of radiated this aura of confidence. It was so strong it almost bordered on egotistical. I couldn't approach him.
After that race, our conversations got fewer and fewer. When we did talk, he was abrupt and cold. Eventually, he stopped responding all together.
One night, he messaged me. We sort of made small talk for a little while, but something didn't sound right. Then, he (or who I thought was him) told me Steve* wasn't the one I was talking to. He told me that it was one of Steve's* friends. I just sort of responded matter-of-factly. Suddenly, he just started picking me apart, insulting and ridiculing me. I just sort of absorbed it as it all with disbelief. Finally, he said that Steve didn't want me to ever speak, or even look at him again. After that, I closed the window and logged off.
A week later I receive an email from Steve*. It says that he is "sorry (I) had to hear that". I didn't, nor haven't, responded to him since.
Well, that's all for this month. Feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I love getting mail.
*All names changed to protect the privacy of others (no matter how big of dick heads they are).