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Mike

March 1999

Introducing...

Hi all. This is my first non-aborted attempt at writing an article. Some articles have come close to completion, but all have fell victim to laziness.

A little about myself: my name is Mike, I'm 18 years old and go to school at the College of Charleston in Charleston, South Carolina. It's an awesome school and the people here are great. Nothing beats a small college with a kick-ass basketball team!

I'm a little jumpy in this issue, so please try to bear with me. I've tried to make this as interesting as possible.

On Creeks, Up One Without A Paddle

I'm sure by now you have all either heard about or actually saw first-hand the February 10th episode of Dawson's Creek. Now, normally I don't watch these shows, but when you're a college student, free time runs rampant and you've got to fill it up with something. (My roommate's a big closeted fan of 90210... go figure). I've been fortunate enough to always watch with the same three guys, and it was just all the more interesting when I figured out what this week's topic was. You can imagine the talk flying during that show when Jack got outed forcibly by his English teacher. I of course kept my mouth shut about what I was really feeling ("poor guy" "that sucks"). I'm really anxious to see what happens next week when they continue on with it (which airs after this month's deadline). It's nice to see shows finally acknowledging that we're out there.

On My Soapbox

Last night I picked up the latest edition of our bi-monthly/semi-weekly/whenever-they-have-enough-to-fill-up-an-entire-edition school newspaper. The headlines were all eye-catching and the stories relevant, but the basic grammar sucked. I couldn't believe as I got farther and farther along and it just got worse and worse. I don't know, maybe the editors (they have 3) have too much to do and can't bother to sit down and read someone's article all the way through. All of the mistakes were minor; a double word here, an unclear sentence there, but it's enough to make you sound ignorant. My feelings have always been that if you're going to take the time to put it to paper you may as well make it the best it can be. Lord help us if some archeologist comes along in 200 years and pulls out an edition of the George Street Observer from the trash pile. I'd hate to see someone try and figure out what we were attempting to communicate to the masses. I'm still struggling for a clue.

Hey, this is somewhat irrelevant but I figure I'll stick it in anyway.

Mike's Words of Advice:

1. Don't jack-off in a hot shower after coming back from the gym! I've done this twice now and almost passed out. Yeah, sure, it's a great feeling, but everyone looks at you funny when you have to lie on your bed panting for 10 minutes after you get dressed.

2. If you drop your cafeteria tray in the middle of the main dining hall, turn and walk home as quickly as possible. Yes, you may have committed social suicide, but you can at least have your dignity with you while you're crawling out.

Question of the Month:

Last night I was sitting in my room minding my business and the guys out in the common area were talking as usual about nothing. One random guy brought up this story about a girl in his school that got a frozen hotdog stuck in her you-know-where. Aside from this having to be the funniest thing I've ever heard of happening, it also has occurred at my high school back home. Now that the background to this is over, the Question is:

Has a hot-dog (or other beef-byproduct) found its way into anyone in your school in an unusual fashion?

I'm curious to see how many responses I get to this. Email me at the address below.

Dispelling of the Ultimate Myth:

How many of you have heard the stories about college being one non-stop orgy and the epitome of freedom? Let's get this straight right now, it's completely false. Oh, guess I should tell you now that I'm bi. I'm embarrassed to say that one of the major reasons I came to CofC was because of the girl to guy ratio: 10:1. I can attest to the fact right now that 75% of the female (I'll get to the guys in a minute) population stays holed up in their little rats' nests complaining about how all guys are jerks while stuffing their faces with Haagen-Daz. In return, the guys that prowl the streets at nights looking for a piece end up back in the dorms sexually frustrated whereupon they play Nintendo64 games (WorldCup Soccer '98 is awesome) and trash-talk each other into submission. Maybe this is the reason alcohol's so popular among college kids.

The other part to this falsehood is the general idea of being able to attend and leave classes as you please. This just isn't the case. All of my teachers take attendance and hand out tardies, and don't expect to leave to go to the bathroom without feeling like you need permission beforehand. It just seems to be an extension of high school to me. The only main difference I see is that the teachers really won't give you the time of day unless you give it to them first.

I'm going to go ahead and end this now. I've jumped through enough short topics to appeal to somebody's tastes. It's really cool to finally be on the other side writing these things for once. I've been reading since 1996.

Until next time,

Mike
Cougars001@yahoo.com

(My policy about email is that if you send me something I will always respond back.)

P.S. If you haven't already, go out and buy the new Collective Soul CD. The songs on it are eerily uplifting; all of their albums are. Get it.


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