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Simon Thibault

March 1999

Reading the paper i came across my horoscope.

Ahem:

"Scorpio, do you have an enigmatic personality, meaning that non one can really figure you out? Here's five reasons why this is a super thing. 1) Complete exposure can mean a certain vulnerability. 2) People will be attracted to you because it's human nature to try and understand what we don't. 3) It means you think of so many concepts in an hour that if you counted them and told someone they wouldn't believe you. 4) It will connect you to the musical group called Enigma who had that great song a couple of years ago...something about innocence. 5) By remaining enigmatic, you will decide by careful reflection what you want to tell the world and when."

***

I met someone the other day who was the personification of a line from an e.e. cummings poem.

"Nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility[...]"

I didn't think people like that existed.

***

The other day two friends told me that they don't believe in love. They believed that it was a delusion created by people who were afraid of being alone.

I wanted to crawl underneath their skin so that they could feel me holding onto them as I wept.

I took one of them to the library, sat them down, and made them listen to a song by Joni Mitchell called "The Last Time I Saw Richard".

THE LAST TIME I SAW RICHARD

The last time I saw Richard was Detroit in '68,
And he told me all romantics meet the same fate someday
Cynical and drunk and boring someone in some dark cafe
You laugh, he said you think you're immune, go look at your eyes
They're full of moon
You like roses and kisses and pretty men to tell you
All those pretty lies, pretty lies
When you gonna realise they're only pretty lies
Only pretty lies, just pretty lies

He put a quarter in the Wurlitzer, and he pushed
Three buttons and the thing began to whirr
And a bar maid came by in fishnet stockings and a bow tie
And she said "Drink up now it's gettin' on time to close."
"Richard, you haven't really changed," I said
It's just that now you're romanticizing some pain that's in your head
You got tombs in your eyes, but the songs
You punched are dreaming
Listen, they sing of love so sweet, love so sweet
When you gonna get yourself back on your feet?
Oh and love can be so sweet, love so sweet

Richard got married to a figure skater
And he bought her a dishwasher and a Coffee percolator
And he drinks at home now most nights with the TV on
And all the house lights left up bright
I'm gonna blow this damn candle out
I don't want Nobody comin' over to my table
I got nothing to talk to anybody about
All good dreamers pass this way some day
Hidin' behind bottles in dark cafes
Dark cafes
Only a dark cocoon before I get my gorgeous wings
And fly away
Only a phase, these dark cafe days

He's starting to believe.

I don't know what to wish for my two friends.

***

I've fallen in love with Samuel Barber's "Adagio for Strings". There is a moment in the song where it sounds like the sky is opening and all of a sudden, it stops. A space, and then, a slow melody. It is that space, and those first few notes of the melody which make me believe.

jupitersboy@hotmail.com


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