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Lincoln Ho

April 1999

Happy Easter everyone! Hope the best for everybody!

"Don't you ever wish
You were someone else
You were meant to be
The way you are exactly

Don't you ever say
You don't like the way you are
When you learn to love yourself
You're better off by far

And I hope you always stay the same
Cause there's nothing 'bout you I would change"

- Joey McIntyre, "Stay the Same"

Powerful lyrics, don't you think? The first time I heard the song on the radio, I was at a time where I felt unsure of myself of why I exist. I heard the song and listened to the lyrics. It was something about the mood and setting of that night that the lyrics of another person touched my heart. I could feel that it was directed towards me at that moment and at that instance. I felt the presence of someone there for me, understanding that what I felt has been felt by thousands before me.

Although I sometimes, actually many times, wish to be someone else and don't like the way I am, if I had another chance at life, I would still choose to be gay, even though I would live a miserable life. Being gay has been a big part of my life and I think it has been a gift to me. I never saw clearer as how the world worked with its discrimination and how daily jokes are offensive. There were many times where I just wanted to scream at the next person that told a gay joke for their own entertainment. If I wasn't given the gift of being gay, maybe I'd still be telling offensive jokes, and hurting others without knowing it. I never understood how it felt to actually be on the minority side until I actually was there. Maybe there are things in life where you have to experience some things to understand them, but I sure hope discrimination isn't one of them to anyone else.

Now, what's been happening with me for the past month or two? Sometimes I think that my life is no one else's business but then I like to read about people's lives as a lot of people enjoy writing about it, plus it's fun and sometimes takes a weight off your back just to let it out. Hey, maybe I'm using this as counseling and it's working, but I really would like to let some people see how a gay person's lifestyle is just the same and just as complicated as a heterosexual's life.

My life in the past month has been relaxing but it's getting hectic as the end of the month arrives, even as I speak. I have a computer science test coming up and I know absolutely nothing about turbo Pascal and what we are learning (I usually copy the teacher's copy when we review). Then I have a performance with the choir and choral jazz tomorrow at my school's open house. Then on the 31st, I am performing "God Bless The Child" with Shania Twain when she comes to Edmonton at her concert. Plus, I have 8 more songs to learn to sing and dance to with the school "play" as you could call it. Those are just the highlights of the next month. I still have my regular choral jazz practices, St. John's cadets and duties, Air Cadets, phoning cadets, Chinese school, Math, Church, and so on.

Now, what I did in the past month. I went to perform with choral jazz and my school choir in Sherwood Park in which I had a solo for each choir. And before that I was in the senior high honor choir performing at this concert hall in Edmonton. You can see that music is a big part of my life and I totally block every thing else out.

Oh, I've also been doing my home page and stuff like adding pictures on there and stuff. I did major updates and there's lot's about me that is on there if anyone wants to know more about me as a person and my interests and my songs. Speaking of songs, I have a nice one that I wrote called "Light Sensitive" that I chose to put in this month's issue of Oasis. It has a nice meaning and you can see what I mean with the lyrics.

In my relationships and stuff, I've decided to not go out with anyone right now as in NOW and not this whole year but I'm still waiting or searching for that special someone. Some one by the name of Ian. And for some odd reason, five people, two girls, three guys wants to go out with me for some odd reason. I haven't said yes or no to anyone of them but I guess I should, eh? I had to add the Canadian "Eh" in here.

Gee, my column seems short this month compared to the one's that I've written for 1999 (yes, I have written to Oasis in the first half of 1998 to those that don't know). But I guess most people will never come across this sentence because I am such a boring and unimportant person.

I don't have a joke for this month but I do have a song for you all to think about. It's called "Light Sensitive" and you can find it where ever the editor decides to put it (either at the bottom of this column, or in the poetry section).

And please, stay safe and sign my wretched guestbook.

In the meantime, I was and still am Lincoln Ho.

tci@canada.com
http://i.am/lincolnho

-------------------------------

Light Sensitive

Song and Lyrics by Lincoln Ho

What are you doing?
Why are you here
If you don't want to
Step outside with me?

Why is it that
Everytime I call you
You desperately
Keep my call a secret?

Do you love me enough?
Are you worth it to love?
Why does it hurt if
I'm in love with you?

{chorus}

Are you light sensitive? (Are you sensitive to light?)
Are you scared of the world?
Are you afraid of what they'll think
When they finally find out?
Are you light sensitive?
Is this how you really act?
Would you please crawl from underneath your bed
And step into the light?

I love to see your face
I don't see it enough
But it's your attitude
That makes me mad

Do you love me enough?
Are you worth it to love?
Why does it hurt
If I'm in love with you?

{repeat chorus twice}

Why are you afraid to let the world know?
Why don't you hold my hand in public?
Why is society so hard to live in?
Does anyone really have an answer?

Da da di dum do da...
Are you light sensitive...
(repeat until fade out)


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