April 1999

Dear Paul,

As corny as it sounds, I'm writing this with the intent of never sending it to you. It's just a bunch of stuff that I need to get off my chest right now.

First, perhaps foremost, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING??? Especially with Will doing what he did. He didn't just emulate you; he fucking BECAME you. (It was beyond weird that first day, with you in front of me, and someone with your hairstyle and your style of clothes next to me.) Then, he got that schedule change. I don't know who he's trying to impress: you, me, who???

Then, he was out for a few days, and it was like old times. I didn't realize how much we had been holding back while he was RIGHT THERE the whole time. It just got me more pissed off about this whole thing.

There is one thing which would help greatly: having the slightest idea what is going on inside your mind. (It makes me think of a line from a song: "Would it mean anything/ if you knew what I'm left imagining") Maybe you can help remedy that, if you read this, and figure out who you and I are correctly. It tears me up horribly to have to deal with this shit every day. I do all I can to keep you from seeing how worn down I get - unless I'm looking for sympathy -- so you probably didn't realize.

Deepest Love,


Any advice? Complaints? Gripes? E-mail me at elneenyo@arbornet.org Also, I might find time over spring break to update my homepage, at http://members.tripod.com/~mikedecker

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