April 1999

April, Give or Take

Hey everyone. A sincere note of apology is due to the editors of this fine web zine. Who would've known that this month's deadline would fall directly on Spring Break for me? Who would've also known that the week directly after said deadline I would be running faster than a turkey from a farmer on Thanksgiving? In any case, I'm writing this to you a day after my extended deadline of the 20th. Only my second month into this and I'm already lagging behind. Please don't be upset with me.

Mike In The Movies

On the way to lunch today I was stopped by this lady with one of those headsets from an AT&T commercial on. I started to cross the street to avoid being sold a new long distance plan when she says, "Would you like to be in a movie?" and I'm like "duh." She ignores my stupidity, probably at the same time noting my face and making sure I don't wind up with a speaking part, and shoves a yellow piece of paper in my hands. The movie is called "O." It's a modern-day version of Othello set in the world of high-school basketball. It's being shot on my beautiful campus. Why they chose Kresse Arena in my school to have the basketball scenes I have no idea (college, high school... who exactly is following this logic?) but it's still cool all the same. I won't have attended the cinematic event by the time I send this out, but if anything notable happens, you can rest assured that it will make it onto here next month.

Update on the Hot Dog Scene

Thanks to everyone who wrote in with his tale of hot dog mishaps. I got back about 15 stories of frankfurter follies from both coasts. Each had mainly the same results: girl tells friend, friend tells school, school laughs and calls girl slut. One guy even suggested setting up a support group for these poor things. But really, what would they serve as refreshments - cocktail weenies?

Mike's Words of Advice

1. Don't try to ride the bronze life-size replica of the school's mascot naked at 2:00 in the morning. While the moment is surely a thrill, the $200 fine will sting you for the next month or so.

2. When sucking in helium from a balloon at a party, make sure you don't go overboard and do more than three or four balloons at a time. Not only do you get made fun of when you pass out on the floor but people will call you chipmunk boy nonetheless.

Question of The Month

Okay guys, I'm strapped for what to ask this month. I really hate having to rush the article in one day like this because I feel like I'm putting it together half-assed. Well, here's the best I can do on such short notice:

What's the craziest thing you've done in the past six months?

Now, don't be timid about responding. From what I've learned with last month's question, the world is smaller than you think and no doubt some idiot out there has pulled the exact same prank that you have. Prizes won't be awarded for the best responses, but I'll say you're "extra special" in my email back to you. Send it to the address below.

In Closing...

Well fellas, so ends this month's adventure into my crowded head. As always, send me an email and I will respond back to you.

Cramped fingers and all,


P.S. For those of you who wrote in wondering if my words of advice come from personal experience or second-hand observation - yes.

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