April 1999

Amazing how time passes, how worlds and lives and loves change with the drop of a hat.

An incredible amount of social and homosexual events have happened in my life only within the last thirty days, and I'm not sure I can cover all of them.

Perhaps the one calling most of my brain's attention is a sophomore in theatre who told me he was bisexual. Our friendship grew faster with the common bond between us, and I fell head over heels for him.

We stayed late at my house, played music, wrote songs, and sang. It was wonderful -- I loved him, and I still do.

Then he told me he smoked weed -- and cigarettes for that matter.

And for the first time in my life, I didn't care. I didn't give in, but I didn't care. My innocent life was suddenly turned upside down with fake i.d.'s, alcohol, pot, and tobacco.. a parent's nightmare.

But I still didn't budge -- I didn't do it.

I gave in to the sophomore though -- I gave my love to him. We lay in my bed on a night that seems like a dream.. both in our boxers, and my entire body was pressed against him. He smelled so good.

We slept like that. And I loved him like that. That's how I'll always remember him.

When I thought the news and events were enough -- the drug use, the bisexuality, the rapid growth of a dream friendship -- I got the news that he was moving in only a few weeks.

My light that was my sophomore is now steadily fading.

My luck retains the value that it has always had with boys -- zero.

My life, once again, starts over.

"Like a sun that appears on a cloudy day
Then a moment later fades away
That's how you were to me
You held me by the hand and led me on
I reached the end then you were gone
Soon you'll be just a lost memory"


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