April 1999

Editors side note: Would you please put my introduction down as Shelley, formerly known as Avid or whatever is appropriate, and that I am now nineteen. Thank you very much for your time.


As I re-read my article from last month I realize how much of a poser I have become. I say one thing...and do the complete opposite. For God's sake... I am still using my little alias Avid after five months of writing articles. But no more. Hello everyone. My name is Shelley and I am so damn gay I can hardly stand it. <in unison now folks like an AA meeting> 'Hello Shelley!' It's nice to meet you all...seriously it really is. Well...now that I am through with my little introduction...let's see what I've been up to lately shall we?

Whomever said "Life sucks and then you die" didn't get the whole story straight. Life sucks...you get your heart broken and your ego smashed all over by a troupe of Mexican hat dancers...and THEN...only then... do you get to die with some sort of dignity. Why the hell do I keep falling for women that either treat me like crap, are uncertain of their sexual orientation and have boyfriends, live far away, either or...or all of the above! I know the women in my past and present life are going to read that last sentence and wonder which categories they fall under...<grin> Unfortunately the only women whom I have met that do neither of those things are like old... I mean robbing the nursing home old for a nineteen year old chick like myself. And even if I did meet someone in my age bracket they are always online and never local. Why does it feel like an in-my-zip-code girlfriend is completely impossible?! Even the last great love of my life I had to drive two hours to see her...but I did not meet her online thank God...<shrugging shoulders> I think I need to move to Amsterdam (where forty percent of the population is gay) and find a cute artistic intellectual with big dreams and even bigger brea...umm...wait a minute <evil grin> Seriously though, I think me pining away for online love interests is really screwing up my priorities in life and is extremely unhealthy for me. I am becoming too dependent on my relationships with individuals online than I am for people in my real life standing right in front of me.

I think it's official...I need to go back to therapy.

However, while I am discussing/crabbing about online relationships or whatever... I do want to take a second and ironically thank the folks that actually took time out and wrote me since I started doing these articles in November. It's always cool to hear about someone else's vantage point or ideas about whatever is at hand. I have decided never to ever ever ever fall for anyone that I haven't shaken hands with first so all those that write me later in life don't have to worry about being hit on that's for damn sure!!

Be well everyone.



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