May 1999

Welcome to my column. I'm having a really wonderful quarter thus far. Despite being considerably overworked, I'm extremely balanced. It's really nice to finally have a center after my summer of Hell. Well okay, let's start in chronological order ...

Spring Break:

Scott rocked my world. It was awesome hanging out, snowboarding ... getting tattooed. Yep, I said tattoo. I got a green ouroboros (snake eating its tail) with a symbol I made when I was 5 years old in the center. I'm incredibly happy with it; it looks exactly how I had envisioned it in my most optimistic mental pictures. The funniest line I got was from my boyfriend, "Oh, wow, it's so big!" I loved it. It was a very painful, but very fulfilling trip and it completely readjusted my mental state. For that I'm immensely grateful ... the fact that he's a wonderful guy is an added bonus.


Well, as far as Brett goes, I already said what I'm inclined to say for right now. I have been learning a lot that is making me very glad that the relationship ended, and a very strong wish that it had never happened. He's holding on to my SNES along with a number of my favorite games, an anthology of gay short stories, and my PCMCIA modem cord. I'd really wish he'd give them back so I could completely pretend this relationship never happened.

Okay, maybe I'm being more regretful than I ought to be. I did learn a LOT from my relationship from Brett ... lessons I wished I'd never had learned ... but lessons nonetheless.


Pim for short ... Pim ... wow, that's a weird one. Well, Pim is a first year at Northwestern who I technically met through a personal ad. We met as friends almost two months ago, hung out and found out we really liked each other. We kept in contact the whole time, between then and mid-April, and hung out again downtown. He spent my birthday with me, and we rode the El in the morning, he to go home and me to the airport. It was really nice. That morning we had decided that we would make our relationship official. I'm trying to go at his pace on this one though. He's not out at all, and I don't want him to rush into anything he's not ready for.

I've been told by every gay man I've talked to about this that I'm in for a major fall, because I'm going to fall in love with him and he's going to find a girl and get married, or if not that, he'll get bored and move on. Fine.

I don't say that because I don't care about him, because I definitely care about him ... and for him ... a lot. But I enjoy just being with him a lot, and I'm enjoying every minute of our time together (as little as that is right now). I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. It's not worth it to me to give of myself when the person I'm with isn't open to me. Pim and I relate really well together, and I don't anticipate a problem in our relationship per se. What I do anticipate is that eventually his friends are going to start putting two and two together, and he's going to get outed one way or another.

He means a lot to me. He reminds me very often of the best of Ranger's qualities, but with the added advantage of being in Chicago and open to a relationship with me. I also want what is truly best for him, and I just really hope that just my being involved with him does not hurt his situation. I had decided that I wouldn't get involved until I found somebody I already cared about a lot before any pressure existed to enter into a relationship. I found that, and I'm really glad about that.

Houston for a weekend:

I don't remember if I mentioned it, but my parents are getting a divorce. They are sort of blaming me, but that's okay because that's the only way they are dealing with it right now. I'm taking the remainder of my education out in loans, oh well ... I don't need to ever be out of debt. Anyway, I went to Houston for my birthday. It was exceedingly spontaneous, and really nice, and I got to see everybody that I wanted to. It was wonderful. Ranger's boyfriend was being a little bitchy so I didn't get to see as much of him as I wanted to. Frankly Ranger's boyfriend is totally wrong for him, and I don't know exactly how to say that without pissing Ranger off. I love him, and I want him to have somebody who deserves him. I don't have anything against Ranger's boy, apart from the fact that he's a drunk, unemployed, demanding, clingy, and beautiful. Why do my friends always fall in love with complete assholes? I don't know, it never makes sense to me.

The whole point of the trip was to see my brothers and my family. We went to dinner, I took the bros to see Matrix (funny movie), got sleep, saw Ali, saw my brother pitch a baseball game ... hehehe, it rocked.

Bert Cohler and classes ...

My professor in my gay studies class rocks. No need to really say more, but the class is a lot of fun. Japanese is kik'n my sorry ass, social studies and economics are boring ... but not bad. But the gay studies class is a lot more fun than any of the others.

My gay prospie,

I ended up getting this really wonderful prospie who invited me to his prom. As it turned out his parents weren't for it, and the cost was prohibitive. It would have been a wonderful time, and we got along really well ... but that's life.

Rebecca Walker:

Well I'm organizing this wonderful woman to speak at the University of Chicago. It should be a great time ... I'll keep you informed ... although I'll only be able to tell you about it after she's spoken since she's tentatively scheduled May 21-22. We'll see how things work out, it will be worth the work.

Well that's all I wanted to talk about. I hope everybody has a great month, and I'll actually start the article earlier next time so Jeff doesn't have to ask me if I'm going to write or not. Umm ... e-mail me at soulseer@cyberdude.com IM me at uchcgo19 (or uchcgo20). I love e-mail, I love keeping in touch. I'm planning next month's article to be a little more engaging. I might even have a story for the fiction section ... keep in touch.


"Some people, one is meant to like; others meant to hate. Some, one is meant know and be with forever; others to know who never to go near. Some, one is meant to love and hold; others one is meant to loose and learn from. The fun of the game is learning who is who, and the joy and sorrows that that knowledge brings."

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