May 1999


I must thank most kindly those who wrote to me last month about my somewhat morbid column. It seemed to have struck a chord with some of you. I'm quite glad it did so as it was something of a revelation to me as I discovered what I was feeling while writing it. I suppose it just goes to show you can never underestimate the power of words, even those from my mouth, or keyboard, it depends on how you look at it really.

What will come out of my mouth / keyboard this month God doesn't even know. Yes children, you have guessed it, I don't have a clue what I am going to write (again). I was aiming at something of trivial importance or another theses on the social conventions of the late 90's. The problem is I can't decide between the two and if I were to write about them I can't think what to write about.

Maybe I'll go for a very pink column this month and throw in the word 'gay' all over the palace as this is a gay magazine thing, well I hope it is anyway. If it's not them I must be using the wrong e-mail address. Hang on, I'm going to check. (Door opens, I walk out, go to a computer with a modem, find the Oasis page and then return. The door closes)

Yes, it is a gay column. That would make sense if it weren't because if last month's column had been published in say, the Daily Mail, major complaints would have been incurred. That's a lovely paper the Daily Mail for you. The standard of journalism that would put five-year-olds to shame and such a tentative approach to gay issues, as 'GAY SOAP SEX SHOCK' really should win them awards. You just have to look at those who buy it to know. The gallons of nauseating perfume and the orange skin of the lady buyers and the massive fat bellies and cheap gold necklaces of the male buyers really suggest the true eloquence of the paper.

On the subject of ropy journalism, why do I keep typing 'agy' in 'gay'? Am I subconsciously in denial again? Let me think. No, I've done that whole fucked up gay thing for the moment or do I need to analyze further. No I don't want to analyze further. I don't want to be like everyone else, they are all totally incapable of doing something without analyzing it. I mean our whole society is totally obsessed with seeing analysts or therapists just to find out why we are sad or overly impulsive or whatever. I mean most of us have no mental imbalance which would be the usual compulsion to do so. It's like we have just forgotten how to actually deal with problems. Our society no longer up holds the idea of thinking it through or talking to friends about problems. That's how I solved the big gay thing, talking to people and thinking. We now have to pay $100 or £50 an hour to be told to take relationships slowly or we are control freaks. After all it is so fashionable to divulge your deepest darkest secrets to a therapist why not go all the way and do it on national TV. At least if you do it this way you will get far more attention from the crap to mediocre, middle aged, TV presenter with a drinking problem and their audience, than from them mere professional.

AAHHHHHHHHH, this is turning into one of those 'our whole society is totally evil regardless of who you are, it's just white, male, upper class, heterosexual, fascists running us all'. I do apologize. What I am trying to say (as distorted as it may be) is do what you want to do, feel and believe what you think is right and don't let anyone tell you it's wrong, after all they are just Fascist Daily Mail readers.

Lots of love and fluffy feather boas, preferably purple


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