May 1999

I Think He Needs To Be Flogged

Alright, alright, so this article is late as well. I really did pick a great time of the year to start writing. Sure, I had all the time in the world August-February, but noooo, I choose to start writing during National Last-Minute Project Month, National Term-Paper Month, and National Weekend-Trip Month. All have happened in that order and I've been a participant in each demonstration. It's so fun to have your time pulled in so many ways. Pardon me now while I attempt to lower my blood pressure.

Ever Curious How They Do That?

Here's an interesting look at what goes on inside the Oasis Editing office. Sometime this month I wrote to Jeff (the online editor) asking if he could give me a permanent net-address for my columns. As it stands right now I compete with two other Mikes (they're great guys, honest, no bone to pick with them) for who gets the mike.html, mike1.html, and mike2.html slots. Apparently when Jeff receives the articles he saves them in a folder called mike.html... if a Mike already grabbed that one he just defaults to mike1.html and so on. So, basically, if you want to scroll back through the columns you're going to have to put some effort into it. Either that or I need to add a last initial to my name. I'm thinking about doing that soon. We'll see.

The Phantom Writer

I would love to be able to tell all of you what I did last weekend. I would love to be able to share with you how much fun I had with something that lately is a new experience for me but I've been fascinated with it most of my life. I would love to describe to you the awesome new world that I've discovered. How beautiful it all is, how serene and untouched and virgin it all is. Yet, I can't, because my identity would be given away faster than a credit card application at my student center. Sometimes I wish I hadn't gone and said where I go to school. Sometimes I wish I hadn't used my first name (which is the only part of my name that will ever be gotten out of me). Sometimes I wish I had given a totally fictitious school somewhere on the Canary Islands.

Why all of this wishing and what-ifs? It's the same thing that has no-doubt been experienced by everyone reading this zine. The world that we create for ourselves, that fictitious barrier between us and the outside would come crumbling down. Sad, isn't it, that we can't truly express who we are and what we are because we must fit the mold that society has set for us. Granted, I like who I am and I like what I stand for, but man what a great feeling it would be to have everyone know that yes, I may find that girl attractive, but the guy she's walking with isn't that bad either. I suppose that's why Oasis is so good for me. It allows me (and hopefully others) to let down that barrier and be who I really am. I've always loved writing (no matter how the public education system tries to kill that love in me) and when that's combined with expression it's a win-win situation. For all of you out there wondering what it was that I was experiencing last weekend: no, it wasn't sex (I'm still a virgin) and no, they weren't drugs. I was on a natural high from doing something I love. Find something that does that for you too and do it. It's very therapeutic.

Question of the Month

This month's question is a little more objective than last month's. I've done this because it seems that responders need a little more guidance on how to take the question. So:

Would you give up all the creature comforts and the society that you know today to have been born naked and ignorant on a small tropical island with about 10 others?

Thanks for the overwhelming response to last month's question (NOT). I deserve that though... the question was pretty lame. I tried to put some time into this one whenever I got a free moment so hopefully this will spark some emails. As always, send it to the address at the bottom.

Mike's Words of Advice

  1. Don't believe your roommate when he says that he didn't have a huge party in your room over the weekend. He's a big fat stinking' liar.
  2. Don't type your papers and columns in the computer lab unless you have a sweating fetish.

Outta Here

This looks like it's about it folks. I'm working on a time constraint right now that involves eating nasty cafeteria food in about 20 minutes. Time to send this column to the electronic network.

Until next time,


About the Author
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