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Troy N. Diggs

June 1999

The idea for this column came about when I was flipping channels earlier and came across a Jeff Foxworthy thing on Comedy Central.... therefore (and in hopes of becoming a best seller)....

"You Might Be a Homosexual If....."

(with apologizes to everyone for stereotyping and to the "sisters" out there; I can't speak for you guys because, well, I'm a guy.)

... If the spices in your kitchen cabinet are not only categorized but alphabetized.... you might be a homosexual.

...If you can name all four members of ABBA by first and last name....you might be a homosexual.

...If you refuse to go bowling because you don't have an outfit to match the shoes....you might be a homosexual.

...If you're a guy who drives a Neon (because I've never seen a straight man drive one)....you might be a homosexual.

...If you've ever been part of a "boy band"....you might be a homosexual.

...If you own rainbow colored socks....you might be a homosexual.

...If you stay up late at night just to catch that Soloflex infomercial....you might be a homosexual.

...If you wish there was a group called "Barenaked Guys"....you might be a homosexual.

... If you don't want to see the new Star Wars movie because Celine Dion doesn't sing in it....you might be a homosexual.

... If you regularly reenact the hat toss from "The Mary Tyler Moore Show"....you might be a homosexual.

... If Ellen DeGeneres has sent you a toaster oven....you might be a homosexual.

... If you rent "George of the Jungle" just because it has Brendan Frasier buff and in a loin cloth....you might be a homosexual.

And finally....

... If you've ever uttered the words "That's fabulous!"....you might be a homosexual.

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eMail! Drop me a line @ TDiggs@aztec.astate.edu, or check out my Web page at http://www.geocities.com/~tdiggs/... toodles...


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