June 1999

I guess I'm lucky. I know because I have friends who aren't. Like my boyfriend, Alan. Things for him have been hard. But today he is making his own luck. And that is what I want to write about this month Alan's luck.

Alan starting having sex when he was 7 with an older boy who was 14. He told him that was how to be his friend. He did stuff with him for a couple of years and with some other boys.

When he was 9 his mom would give him beer and he would get a little drunk and have sex with her boyfriend. And sometimes he would beat Alan. He would beat him for not having sex or beat him for doing it. He just liked beating up Alan when he was drunk. Alan started running away. He would run away and live on the streets. He would find lots of ways to get food. One way was doing sex with guys for money. He broke into a couple of houses too. Then he would get found or just come back home. He missed a lot of school and ended up in juvie a few times.

His mom and her new boyfriend started getting him drunk and high on pot while he was 10 and 11. He would make Alan do sex, and Alan would run away again. He got arrested once for beating a kid up for money and once for breaking into a house. His mom had to go for drug and alcohol treatment and he was going to be sent to a group home if his dad didn't want him. His dad lived two states away for a long time and all he did was send money but Alan's mom hardly ever spent it on Alan.

So his dad said he would take Alan, but it was like he really didn't want to because Alan was so much trouble. But it was that or a group home. Alan's dad had a new wife and a step-son named Troy who is 15. Alan was 12 now. He didn't want to go there and Troy didn't want to have him, especially since they were going to share a bedroom..

Alan started out by stealing money from Troy to buy drugs. And wanting to "win" Troy's friendship by doing sex. But Troy decided to be his big brother and nothing else even though Troy is gay. He gave Alan his love like a brother. And then I met Alan in school. And we became friends, and then more.

Now instead of being unlucky, Alan makes his own luck. He has his grades over 2.0 for the first time. He made our summer baseball team. He has friends that are real friends. Oh sure, he still gets into a fight sometimes, but he doesn't drink or use drugs or steal. I love him.

And I look at Steve, my former best friend, who I wrote about before. He has everything he wants, nice house, nice parents, good athlete, everything. But he goes to parties and drinks. Almost every weekend. He was given luck but is making his too. His own bad luck. I like what Alan is doing. He is making himself better. And Steve is throwing everything away.

I have so many friends online and real who have had bad luck, but do good things with their life. I've never had the bad things happen to me that happened to them. So I guess I have to remember how lucky I am. Something I guess Scott forgot. And Alan's been finding out. You want good luck, you can make it happen.


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