I remember back in high school there was an interesting phenomenon. Each year, I would have a history class and my only competition for the highest grade in the class...was a football player. Yeah, I was being stereotypical. I guess stereotypes can be more influential then I thought they could be.
Anyway, in 11th grade I had American History and had to beat out this football player RJ. How close was our grades? I beat him out by a half-point to get the highest grade (99 1/2).
RJ and I weren't enemies, but we just did good on tests and homework. I started to find him attractive. This was back when I was trying to deal with my orientation. I was so torn over my feelings (how I was suppose to be vs. how I was). One day, I could not control myself. RJ came into class in a pair of shorts and he had really good legs. He was a fair distance from my seat so I did not think I would be caught. I stared at his legs. Eventually I looked up from his legs to find that RJ was looking right at me. I looked down in shock, fear, and shame. He never mentioned the incident though so I was safe.
Later on that year, he gave me a ride home. He was going in the same direction so it was not a problem. In the process, we found out a lot about each other EXCEPT what we wanted to know: Were we interested in each other? I was still scared of my feelings so I did not do anything, but let RJ drive me home. My missed opportunity eventually found a "best friend" later on and I do not know how they turned out.
Recently, a friend talked to me about another opportunity that I feel/felt had pass me by. Anyone who read my first few columns know about Matt, the first and only (it seems) guy that I've been completely in love with. It's been two years and he still is largely on my mind to this day. My friend thought that I should find out NOW if he loves me. I just laughed it off.
My friend was persistent. He could see that I was that devoted to Matt. (How many times have I said I'll move on just to find out that I haven't?) He told me about his missed opportunity and how they were together. However, it was a missed opportunity. He thought that I should try to see where things stand with Matt and me.
I've been confused ever since. yes, I love Matt. If I was to get married, I only see myself marrying him. Only Matt could bring me out of the brooding mode that I usually seem to be in during high school. So what's my point for today? If you care or even love somebody, don't be afraid to tell them how you feel. Don't let them just walk out of your life. Be willing to fight for your heart's desire.
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