Aztec Yhessin

June 1999

Questioning My Rights

A young gay man once said to me that defending the culture, lifestyle, and overall orientation was a responsibility that every homosexual takes on when stepping out of the closet.

True, to some extent, and then false to another. You have to look at this from a certain view. Take my examples of defense for ethnic and minority groups, and women's liberation. There are many, many non-minorities that defend and promote defense against any types of oppression targeted at minorities. As well, there are many, many males who defend and promote defense against women's suppression -- in other words, many men were all for women's liberation, and still are.

Look at another view. There are many, many minorities that figure 'what the hell, let 'em oppress me, I don't really give a shit.' As well, there are many women who were, and still are simply not involved when it comes to women's liberation.

So why, may I ask, is it that being one of a 'complimentary' lifestyle, I have no choice but to defend myself, and take on my deed as a queer. If I choose not to, if I choose that my choices, or natural orientation is really no one's business, and I really don't have to defend it (because personally, I'm not offended--) why do I get harassed and looked upon as a non-revolutionary (bad thing) by the same culture that screams defense.

It's a tough call.

Let me ask you this. Are you part of gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender culture? First thing you probably thought was yes -- then again, maybe I'm wrong. So, for all of you who did say yes on a whim -- HOW? How are you part of GLBT culture? What makes you so damned involved in it anyway?

If you're not however, or if you believe you aren't-- WHY NOT? What makes you so damned isolated?

It's seems to me that the problems that we have experienced in our generation, this past 10 years, or everything that I sometimes refer to as Gen NIN (standing for Nintendo, Nine Inch Nails, and Nothing Ideally Noticeable) stems from these culture clashes that we all create, support, scrutinize, and then demote (then we point fingers because we have to find blame). But we really don't want to take any responsibility for any of this.

Questions arise when growing up anymore. What culture am I? Who the hell are you? Why the hell are you in my face? What color am I? Why are you that which I am not? Why are you trying to be what I was three years ago? Ask yourself some of those questions. Why do you do what you do? Why do you treat others the way that you have?

Let's take a reference. Littleton, Colorado -- April 20th, 1999. Many of you are sitting reading this, and you feel sick when I mention that -- many of you cheer and laugh -- many of you really don't care. Some of you are scared -- your high school has various threats weekly that there are bombs somewhere, and your parents pretty much want to pull you out of school. You sit in class every day, and hope there are none like THEM walking through the halls, waiting for the chance to execute. You think they were nuts, no wonder everyone laughed at them -- look at what they were capable of. Look at how psycho they were.

Others, you're sitting there laughing your ass off. Kill all the damn preppies. Trench Coats Rule! Black = Goth = I'm so Goth I'm dead. Score one -- or something. You're just as bad as the rest of 'em.

And you others, you're sitting there, and you really don't care. I mentioned Columbine, and you pressed the browser back button, so you're not even here anymore. But I have one thing to say to you stragglers who didn't have the mouse in hand fast enough. It'll happen to you to someday -- not necessarily guns and bombs and death.. but a clash that will hurt, and you pretend now that OH -- THAT WOULDN'T BOTHER ME.. but you're gonna fucking freak out, man.

So who started it? Which came first -- the Chicken or the Egg? Did you hate me, or did I hate you first? Who knows? I can't remember -- but I know that something started here, and I'm supposed to feel the way that I do. Maybe the word isn't feel -- maybe it's lack thereof. Maybe I'm not supposed to feel.

Personally, I think it's time to realize that if he's a little too flamy, or if he's a little too fat -- of if that guy just listens to way too much KoRN that these things are NOT something to completely judge and scrutinize on. KoRN has a couple songs defending homosexuality -- Flames have some really fun lingo that's occasionally just necessary to use -- fat people either got a bad gene makeup or something. I know an overweight man who simples pats on his belly and mutters to his onlookers - "SUCCESS."

But in some form or another, I believe that I don't have the right to defend GLBT culture. I'm not part of it. I'm bi-- strike one, I have a girlfriend-- strike two, and I've only gone down a couple of times. My connections sever when I finish this column, or leave my local youth group on Thursday nights, and I simply go back to being 'him known as Aztec.'

My best friend when I was in grade school was a skinny little black kid -- and we had a hell of a lot of fun. Sometimes kids in school would call him 'nigger,' and I'd stand up. He'd get mad -- I wasn't close enough to it, I shouldn't care, he said. It was none of my business. And now, with a completely different topic, years and years later, the same thing is happening all over again -- except this culture, technically, I should be part of.

So ask yourself. Where is it that you are that I'm not? What is it that I have that you don't? What the hell are you?

And most importantly, Why the hell are you in my face?

Aztec Yhessin


Aztec Yhessin [aztecyhessin@141.com], living in South Bend, Indiana, is just some 19-year-old bisexual dude looking for answers to questions he's never asked. If you can help, e-mail. www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Village/6929

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