July 1999

Hey everyone....I missed a month or two, sorry about that. I didn't really have anything to say, so I didn't want to bore you with the details of my life.....
Before I start, HAPPY SUMMER to everyone!

I ended up coming out at school in the last two weeks of the year. Everything was fine...I was shocked. It started with a little conversation in Spanish:

Jock No. 1: Hey David, would you go out with Chris (not the real name, you know that by now) if he asked you?

Me: Yeah.

Jock No. 2: Have you ever kissed a guy?

Me: Yeah.....

Jock No. 1 (laughing): Give 'im some tongue?

Me: No, it was the other way around....

So there was that. Quite a few people heard that, but no one really seemed to have a problem with it. Then, a couple days later, this girl asked me for my phone number...I gave it to her. Then she wanted to take a picture with me, and some girl friends made me do it. Then I was walking with some friends and someone asked me if I would go out with this poor girl. One of my friends ("Chris," actually) said, "Well....does she know he's gay?" And I said, "Yeah, I'm gay, so that really wouldn't work out." After that, pretty much everyone found out; I wore my rainbow shirt the last day of school.

I guess you didn't need to know all those details about how it happened, but there *is* a point to this. I'm getting there. Everyone was fine with *me* being gay, but people can be amazingly homophobic while still accepting a single gay person. I was putting a rainbow Felix the Cat button on my backpack, and a girl sitting next to me said, "Oh....I never knew you were. But that's fine, I think you're a really cool person." Then she turned around and called a guy who was annoying her a stupid queer. UGH. Almost everyone was like that -- and they had no idea that they were being homophobic assholes. Evidently, it's ok for me to be gay, just not anyone else.

I had hoped that by coming out, even at the end of the year, I might change the perceptions of a few people, make them actually think about their assumptions. Give a human face to the people they were constantly demonizing. Maybe even make it a little easier for others to come out. Instead, I became the one exception--the one good fag. That shouldn't really surprise me, but it *was* disappointing.

I also had my first boyfriend in the last two months (I'm trying to remember when, exactly....that's how memorable it was). No comment. I've met more (out) fags here in the last few months than in four and a half years of living here.....right in time to move 1000 miles away.

I think that's it for this month. I'd love to hear from you, email me at Osiris999@aol.com. I probably won't respond until August, though, because I'll be moving and then it's off to summer camp at Duke. Again, I hope you're all having a great summer! I'm bored as hell.

David, 15, lives in Lubbock, Texas--the Hub City of the South Plains! Soon, though, he'll be escaping this particular manifestation of hell for Normal, Illinois--yes, the town's called Normal (no comment, please).

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