July 1999

Rhode Island

"Why me " that's all I have to say to start off!

Hi my name is Matt, I am a 18 year old and in the closet, and it has been the most difficult experience in my life! And I would like to share part of my experiences with you! My life as a gay kid started when I was 10 years old, it was just about the time when me and my family moved from one part of our city to a nicer part! I was so excited, but with my excitement came much hurt and depression!

It was a nice new house that we moved into and it was in the suburbs! My mom and Dad were so happy and so was my little sister! My parents were more happy because they were closer to the church we went to at the time! I was happy because we moved out of a bad neighborhood and into a nice and safe one!

I was so happy living there at first, and so was the rest of my family! So anyway in a few months school had started for me, and at this time I was just starting to make some new friends at my new elementary school! I was really happy, until after school time came! After school, my parents had arranged for me and my sister to spend time at my parents' friend's house, where we were going to be taken care of after school until my parents came home, the woman who took care of us after school was a very nice lady! She also had a son "Trevor " who was 14 .

"Trevor" was a very popular kid because he always had some friends over after school and his mom always yelled at him for it, because it was too much trouble for her to watch us and make sure "Trevor was behaving!!!!!," I know "Trevor " always resented the fact that me and my sister were at his house after school. Sometimes "Trevor's " mom had to go out and she asked "Trevor " to watch me and my sister, and he reluctantly did! I never in my life dreamed what would happen next!

After "Trevor's" mom left , "Trevor" called me into the other room to play Nintendo with him! ( I was so happy because I thought he didn't like me, but I was starting to think he did like me, I was wrong !! ) So I went in the other room, while my sister was watching cartoons on TV , "Trevor" was in the room and he told me to sit down, and I did, so after awhile we were really getting along, until I said I wanted to go back in the other room and check on my sister! When I wanted to leave he got very angry and he locked the door. I got nervous!

I couldn't get out of the room because he was right in front of the door! So, I told him "if he didn't move I was gonna make him move," and he said "I'll like to see you try Matt." So, I tried to push him out of the way, but he just kept pushing back, and I knew I wasn't gonna get out until he let me out! "Trevor" started to call me a "girl" because I was weak and I couldn't push him out of the way, but he was 14 and I was 10 !!!!! Then he started to push me around and was calling me a "girl " again because I wasn't fighting back!!

At this point in my mind all I could think about was my sister and if she was OK!!! I was really getting very scared now because "Trevor" said "you're a girl Matt and you know what boys do to girls don't you! They have sex ".... I was terrified at this point !!! I wanted to scream at this point, but it wouldn't help ... my sister was too young to know what to do!!! and "Trevor" told me if I tried to stop him he would hurt her!!!!!!

So I had no other choice but to let him have complete control over my body!!! It was a painful and enjoyable at the same time, and all the while I could hear my sister knocking at the door asking "Matt are you O.K.??" I don't think I would be gay today if I wasn't taken advantage of that day!!!

I will continue this story at a later date.

Peace and love eternally,


About the Author
©1998-1999 Oasis Magazine. All Rights Reserved.