BTW, I just turned 20
After a year of psychos, losers, and closet cases, I finally went back to good old home. As anyone who read my earlier columns can testify to, I hate going home. Home is just three months of hiding in the closet and being around relatives I dislike. However, home is EXACTLY where I should have went. I got my focus (what focus I do have) back.
Over the last few months, my dreams and goals had eroded to almost nothing. I had managed to get stuck in the motions again. Questions about my future became constant thoughts. My interest in writing seem lost on the sidelines while I speeded past because of my interest in the Boy (or Loser...it varies) of the Week. It was a relief to go home just to get away from the mad soap opera that my life had become.
Home became boring after a week. Then I started to ponder the direction of my life. Along the way, I almost got recruited into the Marines. It had things that I wanted out of life like a sense of belonging, financial security, and good skills. It wasn't until I refused that I realized what it lacked: what I felt like doing.
What would that be? I love to write. I have since I could walk. I want to make a living doing it. That would make me happy. It's my dream to be a good, successful writer.
The writing which had been on the sideline began to come back slowly. It started before Finals at AST even started. I'm a big Sliders fan and I started to write a story for fan fiction webpages. There were times when I wanted to work on the story rather than listen to a lecture. At home, my interest in writing grew. I not only have three Sliders stories in the work, but I have two novels and two short stories that I'm working on.
Writing has become my focus again. My mind just seems to think in terms of 'What's going to happen to this character today?' or 'How's this story going to end?' It filled a void that hopefully will produce a more confident person.
Now the quest for "The Boyfriend" has been kicked to the sidelines because writing has now taken up that time. It's giving me that good feeling that I've been missing. Someday maybe I'll have the successful writing career and the sexy guy.
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