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Sean

July 1999

As always, I will first cover any updates to my past articles so here it goes.

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

On June 5th I actually got a set of balls and did something for myself to help me finally get over the pain Tim caused to my life. I sent him the letter that morning and knew he would get it by Monday. People I told were worried that I actually sent it but I must say that it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. He didn't retaliate in anyway...which was surprising but that is great for me. I can now look at him and pretend he is dead. I am still angry (I think I will always will be) but it doesn't control my life anymore. Tim is dead and gone in my eyes and soon I will never have to hear from him, or rest my eyes upon his face again.

THIS IS A GIFT FROM ME TO YOU

Today (June 15th) I gave Danny, the straight guy from last issue, his gift. I spent $38 and bought him a copy of a year book that he wasn't going to buy and had the people who loved him most in life sign it. I actually must say that I am going to miss him a lot. I think you all can relate to the feeling of being alone in this world even though you are surrounded by friends. When I am around Danny, I don't feel alone anymore. So I told him all my feelings toward him (how much he means to me as my friend, how much I will miss him) in 2 pages of the year book. A total of 6 other people signed it but I wrote the most. He thanked me when they all left and told me that it meant too much to him that I would do something like this for him.

The only bad thing that happened was that when I gave it to him I started to make a speech on how much he means to us and one of my friends started to laugh and it ruined it all. Not to mention that they started to fight and that made me mad because I had planned this for a while and they ruined it. I also did cry but he didn't see that. My friends were all consoling me in the hallway because I didn't want to say good-bye to him.

OK that is this issues update and now onto this articles topic. This months article will be about my feelings of saying good-bye to Wallkill forever.

SO LONG, FAREWELL.......

So my four years of tears, happiness, change, discovery, and pain is over. I am leaving Wallkill Senior High School forever and over.

I thought this entire year that I was so happy to get out of this place. Wallkill is a nice town and all but it is dominated by the smug preps. They get away with everything and are never in trouble. To be highly judgmental (which I never said I wasn't because I know I am and I am proud of it) they are the biggest bunch of back stabbing whores that I have ever met. You would be surprised by all the perfidiousness I know of. They think they are the best of friends when I know that next year they will never see each other again. It's an unwritten law.

Wallkill isn't the ideal school to come out in. I can't go down the hall now without people coming up to me and asking "Are you gay?" When I say yes they turn around and start to laugh and say "He admitted it! Oh my god...he's a fag!" That is when I usually make a comment about their clothing and that God will punish them by making their children "fags." They don't like that one to be honest.

The classes I am in are full of people who can't come up with one single intelligent thought. I actually finish all my work 3 weeks ahead of my class and teacher and stare out the window. I might be wrong but I am smarter than my own teacher, though she is a lovely lady, because she thinks so literally. She can't think abstractly when it concerns symbolism or anything of that kind. I actually started to defend people's answers when she said they were wrong....and they wonder why I sleep during class. The rest of my classes are full of the dumb ones who think it is funny when someone turns on a light switch. I am not embellishing...it happened today. Someone turned on a light switch by accident and they thought it was the greatest thing.......ugh I hate people!

Now I will stop the bitch fest because you must all be thinking that I am the stereotypical acrimonious teenager. I am not that at all. I just have a lot of things that piss me off really badly. Wallkill isn't all bad at all. There are lots of people I will miss:

Patrick- one of the preps but he is nice. He helped me a lot during the Tim thing and really didn't realize it until this year when I told him how much he helped me. I fell in love with the straight boy but he didn't mind. I told him exactly how I felt. I must say that I had fantasies about being with him (both sexually and non-sexually).

Mr. Greenhall- My favorite teacher because he makes his physics class full of sexual innuendo and makes little hidden jokes about my sexuality that everyone knows about. He is the kind of guy you can joke with anything about. He bought this purple truck so people made fun of him about it so I went one step further and bought him a gay pride sticker. The poor man didn't know what it was until this month. OH and when he pisses me off I call him, "You stupid, straight bastard. You are the reason I hate breeders!" He laughs at that and so does the class.

Mr. Strano- OK...he's a jerk. He is 26 and thinks he's god's gift to women, but he is so damn hot! During a test one time he was handing it out and it was a room with 10 people in it and he walked by and I turned to my friend Andy (who is straight) and said to him, "He's a got a great ass." Andy laughed and so did I, until I realized that Strano heard me say that about him. It was funny because he stared at me the entire time. I have so much fun with him because I always flirt with him and it's a joke that I am going to steal him away from his wife. I am going to seduce him, and have sex with him on his desk and then leave him. Maybe you have to be there........

The nefarious preps- I know I just said how much they bother me but that is why I'll miss them. I won't have them there to make me mad, and make me stand up for myself. Their constant annoying mouths won't be heard by my ears anymore and that bothers me. I am going to miss them. Is that odd?

I would mention my friends but that is a given. I will miss them terribly and though I hated high school I will still miss it. These years have been the molding factors that have made me....well me. If I were given the chance to do it all over again...I would do it all again. I would come out again, have the relationship with Tim, and deal with the mean preps.

EVERYTHING LIVES ON IN SOME SHAPE OR FORM

This isn't the final good-bye to Wallkill. It lives on through my writing. I write a Soap Opera called "The Hamlet" which is about my friends and I (it has actual People in it) put into over dramatic situations. I am willing (is this like a plug or something) to let anyone who wants to read it read it. I have written 9 eps....but that is in addition to the ones last year I wrote that are now gone...but I know what happened. So Wallkill won't disappear from my eyes ever.

Well that's it.......school is over this Thursday (June 17th) and by the time you read this I will have graduated. So I'll tell you next article how graduation was and how the senior celebration was. As always feel free to IM me at odango566 or email me at sleeve@frontiernet.net or serenity-sama@hotbot.com but the sleeve one is the one I use primarily. Bye for now and congratulations to those who are graduating also.

 


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